Thank you, I’ve been trying to build a better relationship with myself and my parts. I used to hate my parts, my trauma, everything that had any connection to myself. But this past year I felt I have made significant progress with rebuilding my self esteem and my internal relationships.
To answer the first question, some parts don’t feel completely comfortable in therapy with a female therapist because of our history of sexual abuse by a female authority figure. Other parts view therapy as a means to an end—they “play along,” believing that if we process our feelings, we can eventually stop going. At the same time, some parts genuinely like therapy and feel a connection with my therapist.
It's incredibly encouraging to hear about the progress you've made in rebuilding your self-esteem and internal relationships. Acknowledging the complexity of your parts' experiences and feelings towards therapy is an important step in understanding their perspectives and needs.
Given the history of sexual abuse by a female authority figure, it's understandable that some parts may struggle to feel comfortable with a female therapist. These parts may carry deep wounds and fears related to past experiences, making it challenging to fully engage in therapy. It's crucial to approach these parts with compassion and sensitivity, acknowledging their vulnerabilities and working collaboratively to create a sense of safety and trust in the therapeutic relationship.
The parts that view therapy as a means to an end and participate with the belief that processing feelings will lead to the end of therapy may be expressing a form of self-protection or avoidance. Exploring these motivations and underlying fears can offer valuable insights into the internal dynamics at play and potential barriers to fully engaging with emotions in therapy.
On the other hand, the parts that genuinely enjoy therapy and feel connected to your therapist can provide a source of support and resilience in your healing journey. These parts may hold the capacity for openness, trust, and vulnerability, contributing positively to your therapeutic process.
Considering the varying perspectives and needs of your parts, here are some questions to reflect on:
1. How can you support the parts that feel uncomfortable in therapy due to past trauma with a female authority figure? What strategies or interventions could help create a sense of safety and trust in the therapeutic relationship?
2. How can you explore and address the underlying motivations of the parts that see therapy as a temporary solution or believe that processing feelings will lead to the end of therapy? What emotional needs or fears might be driving these perspectives?
3. How can you nurture and strengthen the connection with the parts that enjoy therapy and feel connected to your therapist? How can these parts play a supportive role in facilitating emotional processing and healing in therapy sessions?
Reflecting on these questions with curiosity and openness can enhance your understanding of your internal system and guide you in navigating the complexities of therapy with compassion and self-awareness. Your progress in rebuilding relationships with yourself and your parts is commendable, and it's important to continue approaching your healing journey with patience and self-compassion.
When discussions about suicidal ideation or sexual trauma come up, a part often steps in and overrides the system. Despite this, some parts want to process the sexual trauma. My therapist starts every session by asking about my current ideations since I have a history of them.
It's evident that navigating discussions around topics like suicidal ideation and sexual trauma can trigger strong reactions and protective responses within your internal system. It's essential to approach these sensitive areas with a great deal of care, understanding, and respect for the varying needs and vulnerabilities of your parts.
When a part steps in and overrides the system during discussions about suicidal ideation or sexual trauma, it may indicate a form of internal protection or a response to perceived threats of emotional overwhelm. This part may play a crucial role in managing distressing content and shielding other parts from intense or distressing emotions. Exploring the underlying intentions and functions of this part can offer insights into its protective mechanisms and how to support its role within the system.
For the parts that express a desire to process the sexual trauma, it's important to create a safe and supportive environment where they feel heard, validated, and respected. Engaging in internal dialogues with these parts and exploring their emotional needs, fears, and coping strategies can help you understand their perspectives and work towards integrating their experiences into your healing process.
Regarding your therapist's routine of inquiring about current suicidal ideation at the beginning of each session, it's crucial to communicate openly and honestly with them about how this practice impacts you. Discussing your preferences and concerns around this approach can help your therapist tailor their check-ins in a way that feels more supportive and aligned with your needs.
Here are some questions to consider as you navigate these discussions in therapy:
1. How can you establish a sense of safety and trust within your internal system when addressing topics like suicidal ideation and sexual trauma? What strategies or internal agreements could help facilitate a more balanced and supportive dialogue among your parts?
2. How can you communicate with the part that often steps in during these discussions to understand its role and intentions better? What internal resources or interventions can be employed to support this part in managing distress and promoting internal cohesion?
3. How can you communicate your preferences and boundaries around discussions of suicidal ideation with your therapist? How can you work together to find a check-in approach that feels empowering and supportive for you while addressing safety concerns?
Engaging in compassionate dialogues with your parts and maintaining open communication with your therapist can empower you to navigate these challenging topics with increased awareness and sensitivity. Remember to prioritize self-care and self-compassion as you continue to explore and heal from these deeply impactful experiences.
Many times, my therapist has said that a part doesn’t seem ready to trust her, and after two years, I still don’t fully understand why. But perhaps it makes sense—every adult in my childhood either abused me or allowed the abuse to happen. The woman who caused the most harm pretended to be my friend, gained my trust, and then hurt me. Maybe that’s why some parts believe my therapist might do the same.
It's understandable that after experiencing betrayal and harm from significant adults in your childhood, trust may feel challenging and complex in your current therapeutic relationship. The deep wounds and trauma resulting from past betrayals can create layers of protection and skepticism, influencing how your parts perceive and interact with others, including your therapist.
Your therapist's observation that a part doesn't seem ready to trust her after two years of therapy highlights the depth of these internal struggles and the importance of honoring the protective mechanisms that your parts have developed. Acknowledging the parallel between past traumatic experiences and the potential fears of betrayal in therapy is a significant step towards understanding the roots of distrust and working through these barriers towards healing.
Considering the trauma-related origins of mistrust within your internal system, it's vital to approach these parts with compassion, validation, and a commitment to creating a safe and validating therapeutic space. Here are some considerations for navigating trust-building with your parts and therapist:
1. How can you engage in internal dialogues with the parts that harbor mistrust and fears of betrayal, offering them validation and understanding for their protective roles and concerns? Exploring their past experiences and emotional needs can help you cultivate empathy and connection within your internal system.
2. Reflect on your therapist's approach and actions that may inadvertently trigger feelings of mistrust within your parts. Are there specific interventions or communication strategies that your therapist could employ to foster a sense of safety and collaboration with these parts?
3. How can you communicate openly with your therapist about the origins of mistrust within your internal system and the challenges you face in building trust? Sharing your insights and experiences can deepen your therapeutic alliance and illuminate paths for growth and healing together.
Navigating the complexities of trust, betrayal, and safety in therapy requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to explore vulnerability with courage and compassion. Remember that your journey towards healing is a gradual and multifaceted process, and each step you take towards understanding and supporting your parts contributes to your resilience and growth. Keep honoring your experiences, feelings, and boundaries as you continue to navigate these sensitive dynamics in therapy.
The Self isn’t present during sessions. Instead, parts take over. Therapy feels vulnerable and unsafe, especially being in a closed room alone with an older female. My parts feel like they need to protect the Self from my therapist. I don’t know how to let my guard down when I can’t identify which part is present or how many parts are involved.
It's significant that you've identified the absence of the Self during therapy sessions and the frequent involvement of protective parts that take over in response to feelings of vulnerability and unsafety. The dynamics of parts stepping in to shield the Self from perceived threats reflect a deeply ingrained survival mechanism within your internal system, rooted in past experiences of harm and betrayal.
Feeling vulnerable and unsafe in the therapy room, particularly with an older female therapist, can trigger heightened protective responses from your parts, seeking to safeguard the Self from potential harm or retraumatization. Recognizing the origins of these protective mechanisms and the intentions behind your parts' actions is an essential step in understanding your internal dynamics and working towards building a sense of safety and trust within your therapeutic relationship.
Given the complexity of navigating multiple parts and their roles during sessions, here are some considerations to guide your exploration and support in therapy:
1. How can you cultivate a sense of safety and empowerment within your internal system when facing vulnerability and fear in therapy? Engaging in internal dialogues with your protective parts and exploring their fears, needs, and coping strategies can promote internal cohesion and resilience.
2. Reflect on your experiences and triggers in the therapy room that contribute to feelings of unsafety and detachment from the Self. Are there specific environmental cues or interactions that intensify your parts' protective responses, and how can you address or mitigate these triggers proactively?
3. How can you communicate with your therapist about the challenges you experience in identifying and navigating the presence of different parts during sessions? Open dialogue about your internal processes and struggles can foster understanding, collaboration, and tailored interventions to support your journey towards integration and healing.
Exploring these questions with curiosity and self-compassion can guide you in developing a deeper awareness of your internal landscape and enhancing your capacity to engage with vulnerability and trust in therapy. Remember that the journey towards healing and self-discovery is unique to each individual, and your commitment to exploring these complex dynamics reflects your resilience and courage in pursuing growth and healing. Keep honoring your experiences, emotions, and boundaries as you navigate this intricate internal terrain with patience and self-compassion.
