Feeling hopeless about my depression

[Ecdysis]

I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist later today to talk about my depression and PTSD.

Currently, I'm thinking about how anger and resentment have been major symptoms of my PTSD. While I think it's healthy to feel angry about trauma, I think it can also get out of hand and adversely affect present day life if anger and resentment are in the foreground.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist later today to talk about my depression and PTSD.

Currently, I'm thinking about how anger and resentment have been major symptoms of my PTSD. While I think it's healthy to feel angry about trauma, I think it can also get out of hand and adversely affect present day life if anger and resentment are in the foreground.

It's great that you have an appointment scheduled with your psychiatrist to discuss your depression and PTSD symptoms. Awareness of how anger and resentment can impact your present-day life is an essential step towards healing and recovery.

Anger and resentment are common responses to trauma and can serve as protective mechanisms, allowing individuals to express their pain and assert boundaries. However, as you mentioned, when these emotions are in the foreground and become overwhelming or persistent, they can indeed adversely affect your well-being and interpersonal relationships.

Exploring healthy ways to manage and process anger and resentment can be beneficial. Here are a few strategies to consider:

1. Mindfulness and self-awareness: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your emotions, including anger and resentment, without judgment. This awareness can give you insight into your triggers and the patterns of your responses. Mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing and grounding techniques, can also help regulate emotions.

2. Seek support: Engaging in therapy, such as trauma-focused therapy or cognitive-behavioral therapy, can provide a safe environment to explore and process your anger and resentment. A qualified therapist can help you develop healthy coping strategies and work through any underlying issues contributing to these emotions.

3. Expressive outlets: Finding healthy ways to express and channel the intensity of your emotions can be helpful. This might include engaging in creative activities, such as writing, painting, or music, or participating in physical activities like boxing, martial arts, or running.

4. Self-care and stress reduction: Prioritizing self-care activities, such as regular exercise, getting enough restful sleep, eating well-balanced meals, and engaging in relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing exercises, can help reduce overall stress levels and promote emotional well-being.

It's important to acknowledge that managing anger and resentment related to trauma is a process that takes time and may require additional support. Your psychiatrist and therapist can provide you with personalized guidance and treatment approaches to address these symptoms effectively.

During your appointment, discussing your concerns about anger and resentment with your psychiatrist can help inform your treatment plan and provide you with specific strategies tailored to your needs.

Remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey of healing. Healing from trauma takes time, and with the right support, you can find healthier ways to manage and navigate your emotions.

If you ever need further support or have additional questions, feel free to reach out again. Wishing you all the best on your path towards healing.

 

[Ecdysis]

I have always felt a lot of anger and resentment at the perps in my trauma and even at the people who didn't step in to stop the abuse happening. I've even felt angry and resentful about all people who didn't grow up with trauma for having an "easier and better life" than me. Anger seems to be my natural response to trauma, much more than sadness or fear.

If I try to take a neutral stand-point, then it's probably a fair assessment that the perps had major mental illness. I don't think this actually excuses their actions but I guess it does make a difference in terms of how intentional/ conscious their abuse was. As for my anger towards witnesses and onlookers, I think many of them didn't really understand what was going on and that most of them were caught up in their own issues. I still feel seething anger towards them at times tho, for failing to help me when I needed their help.

As for feeling anger towards people who have experienced less trauma in their childhoods or lives, I realise that's an irrational response, but it's one that often occurs and I find it hard to let go of that anger and resentment too.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I have always felt a lot of anger and resentment at the perps in my trauma and even at the people who didn't step in to stop the abuse happening. I've even felt angry and resentful about all people who didn't grow up with trauma for having an "easier and better life" than me. Anger seems to be my natural response to trauma, much more than sadness or fear.

If I try to take a neutral stand-point, then it's probably a fair assessment that the perps had major mental illness. I don't think this actually excuses their actions but I guess it does make a difference in terms of how intentional/ conscious their abuse was. As for my anger towards witnesses and onlookers, I think many of them didn't really understand what was going on and that most of them were caught up in their own issues. I still feel seething anger towards them at times tho, for failing to help me when I needed their help.

As for feeling anger towards people who have experienced less trauma in their childhoods or lives, I realise that's an irrational response, but it's one that often occurs and I find it hard to let go of that anger and resentment too.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings. It takes courage to explore and express these emotions.

It's not uncommon for anger and resentment to be powerful emotions in response to trauma. They can serve as ways to assert boundaries, protect oneself, and express pain. However, it's important to find a healthy balance where these emotions don't become overwhelming or negatively impact your present-day life.

Recognizing that your anger towards the perpetrators may stem from their mental illness is a significant step. While it doesn't excuse their actions, understanding that their behavior may have been influenced by their own mental health struggles can provide some context. It's essential to remember that you are not responsible for their actions, and their choices were their own.

Regarding the witnesses and onlookers who didn't intervene, it's possible that they didn't fully understand what was happening or were caught up in their own issues at the time. It can be challenging to let go of anger and resentment towards them, especially when you needed their support. However, acknowledging that their lack of intervention may have been due to a lack of understanding or personal struggles can help you begin to let go of some of that anger.

As for feeling anger towards those who have experienced less trauma in their lives, it's important to recognize that everyone's experiences are unique, and comparing them can lead to feelings of resentment. It's natural to have a range of emotions, including envy or frustration, when seeing others who haven't experienced the same level of trauma. However, it's essential to focus on your own healing journey and work towards finding peace within yourself.

Processing these complex emotions and finding ways to release anger and resentment can be a part of your healing process. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal can provide an outlet for processing and releasing anger. It can also help gain insights into your emotions and explore adaptive ways to cope.

2. Therapy: Working with a therapist who specializes in trauma can provide a safe space to talk about your anger and resentment. A professional can guide you in developing coping strategies and assist you in navigating these complex emotions.

3. Self-compassion and self-care: Practicing self-compassion and engaging in self-care activities can help create a foundation for healing. Treat yourself with kindness and prioritize activities that promote your well-being.

4. Mindfulness and grounding techniques: Mindfulness exercises and grounding techniques can help bring you into the present moment, reducing the intensity of anger and resentment. These practices can assist in developing a more balanced perspective.

Remember, healing is an ongoing process, and it can take time to let go of anger and resentment. Be patient with yourself and continue to seek support when needed.

If you would like any specific resources, remember to Google the titles of books or organizations that may be relevant to your situation. If you have any other questions or need further support, feel free to reach out. You're not alone on this journey, and there are people who understand and want to help.

 

[Ecdysis]

At the moment, I'm feeling a lot of anger and resentment and loss about the fact that my childhood trauma prevented so many normal stages and events of growth and development in childhood.

Some of the things that I'm feeling upset about are:

- Not feeling seen and heard by so many people in my childhood
- Not having enough mentors and role-models
- Feeling like most people didn't understand who I really am, feeling unvalidated by most people
- Feeling like most people didn't see or understand the pain and distress I was in
- Feeling like most people didn't care about what I was going through
- Feeling like most people in my family didn't care who I was but just wanted me to be a functional, obediant child
- Feeling like I didn't belong in my family - always wishing that I was growing up in another, safer, more loving family
- Growing up in a home where there was never any happiness, it was all just unhappiness, stress, abuse, trauma, hardship
- Growing up in a home where there were constant lies about the abuse and where I was expected to cover those lies and participate in hiding the abuse
- Never being allowed to express my true feelings - being made to be isolated from my true feelings and being forced to deny and disown them
- Never being allowed to build my own sense of identity
- Never being allowed to say "stop" and "no" to the abuse
- Not having anyone I could tell about the abuse
- Not being able to develop a sense of self and a sense of ownership about "my story"
- Living a childhood of nearly constant dissociation
- Not being able to integrate both the good and the awful things of my childhood into a sense of self
- Growing up feeling like I didn't matter to most people
- Constantly feeling like I wanted to escape and run away in my childhood
- and many more similar things...

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

At the moment, I'm feeling a lot of anger and resentment and loss about the fact that my childhood trauma prevented so many normal stages and events of growth and development in childhood.

Some of the things that I'm feeling upset about are:

- Not feeling seen and heard by so many people in my childhood
- Not having enough mentors and role-models
- Feeling like most people didn't understand who I really am, feeling unvalidated by most people
- Feeling like most people didn't see or understand the pain and distress I was in
- Feeling like most people didn't care about what I was going through
- Feeling like most people in my family didn't care who I was but just wanted me to be a functional, obediant child
- Feeling like I didn't belong in my family - always wishing that I was growing up in another, safer, more loving family
- Growing up in a home where there was never any happiness, it was all just unhappiness, stress, abuse, trauma, hardship
- Growing up in a home where there were constant lies about the abuse and where I was expected to cover those lies and participate in hiding the abuse
- Never being allowed to express my true feelings - being made to be isolated from my true feelings and being forced to deny and disown them
- Never being allowed to build my own sense of identity
- Never being allowed to say "stop" and "no" to the abuse
- Not having anyone I could tell about the abuse
- Not being able to develop a sense of self and a sense of ownership about "my story"
- Living a childhood of nearly constant dissociation
- Not being able to integrate both the good and the awful things of my childhood into a sense of self
- Growing up feeling like I didn't matter to most people
- Constantly feeling like I wanted to escape and run away in my childhood
- and many more similar things...

It's understandable that you are feeling a lot of anger, resentment, and loss regarding the impact your childhood trauma has had on your development and experiences. It's important to acknowledge and validate these feelings, as they are a natural response to the significant challenges you faced.

It sounds like you have a deep longing for validation, understanding, and support from others during your childhood. It can be incredibly difficult when you feel unseen, unheard, and invalidated, especially in an environment where there was constant stress, abuse, and trauma. These emotions are valid, and it's important to allow yourself to process them in a safe and supportive space.

Recognizing the many ways in which your childhood trauma has affected your ability to grow, express your true feelings, and develop a sense of identity is a crucial step towards healing. It's understandable that you yearn for a different family and a different environment where you could have experienced love, safety, and support.

While it may not be possible to change the past, you have the power to shape your present and future. Here are a few suggestions that may help in your healing journey:

1. Seek therapy or counseling: Working with a trauma-informed therapist can provide a supportive space to process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and explore ways to build a sense of identity and self-worth.

2. Connect with support networks: Seeking out support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who have experienced trauma can be helpful. It allows you to share your experiences, gain validation, and find understanding from those who may have gone through similar challenges.

3. Self-compassion: Practice self-compassion and self-care. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Engage in activities that bring you joy, comfort, and a sense of peace.

4. Journaling and self-reflection: Writing in a journal can provide a space to express your emotions and reflect on your experiences. Consider exploring prompts like "What do I need now?", "What do I want for my future?", or "What can I do to give myself validation and support?"

5. Education and empowerment: Educate yourself about trauma, healing, and self-development. Understanding the impact of trauma and learning about effective coping strategies and interventions can empower you on your healing journey.

Remember, healing is a process, and it can take time to work through these complex emotions and experiences. Be patient, kind, and gentle with yourself as you navigate your healing path.

If you ever need to reach out for support or have further questions, don't hesitate to come back. You deserve validation, understanding, and healing.

 

[Ecdysis]

I have difficulty relating to people who haven't experienced childhood trauma. I feel like they can't relate and can't understand.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I have difficulty relating to people who haven't experienced childhood trauma. I feel like they can't relate and can't understand.

It's not uncommon to have difficulty relating to people who haven't experienced childhood trauma. Trauma can have a profound impact on one's worldview, emotions, and relationships. It can create a sense of isolation and make it challenging to connect with those who haven't had similar experiences.

It's important to acknowledge that understanding the full depth of another person's trauma may be difficult for someone who hasn't experienced it firsthand. However, it doesn't mean that they are incapable of empathy, compassion, or supporting you in your healing journey.

While it's true that individuals who haven't experienced trauma may not fully comprehend the intricacies of your specific experiences, it's possible for them to cultivate understanding and show support through active listening, validating your feelings, and being open to learning about trauma and its effects. It may be helpful to communicate your needs and emotions to others, expressing what support or understanding may look like for you.

At the same time, seeking connection with others who have experienced trauma can provide a different level of understanding and support. Peer support groups, online communities, or therapy groups focusing on trauma can be valuable spaces where you can connect with individuals who can relate to your experiences on a deeper level.

Remember, it's important to build a diverse support network that includes both those who have experienced trauma and those who haven't. Each person brings unique perspectives, and it's through this diversity that we can grow and learn from one another.

If you're finding it challenging to connect with individuals who haven't experienced trauma, consider exploring support options that best suit your needs. Therapy, support groups, or online forums can be a space to connect with others who can understand and empathize with your experiences.

Please remember that you are not alone, and there are people who genuinely want to support and understand you. If you have any further questions or need additional guidance, feel free to ask.

 

[Ecdysis]

Growing up with trauma made me feel messy and my life feel messy. I feel like I don't fit in with people whose lives aren't messy because they didn't experience childhood trauma. I feel like their lives are neat and functional and I'd just be bringing my mess into their neat lives.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Growing up with trauma made me feel messy and my life feel messy. I feel like I don't fit in with people whose lives aren't messy because they didn't experience childhood trauma. I feel like their lives are neat and functional and I'd just be bringing my mess into their neat lives.

It's understandable that you may feel like your life is messy due to the impact of childhood trauma. Trauma can leave a lasting imprint on various aspects of our lives, including our relationships, emotions, and sense of identity.

It's important to recognize that everyone's life has its own unique challenges and complexities, even if they haven't experienced childhood trauma. While it may seem like others' lives appear neat and functional, it's important to remember that people often have their own struggles and hardships that may not be immediately apparent.

Feeling like you don't fit in or that you would be bringing your mess into others' lives is a common experience for many individuals who have experienced trauma. However, it's important to challenge this belief and remind yourself that your experiences do not define your worth or your ability to connect with others.

It may be helpful to remember that vulnerability and sharing our struggles can actually deepen connections with others. Sharing your experiences, emotions, and challenges with trusted individuals can create an opportunity for understanding, empathy, and support. Some people may surprise you with their capacity to listen and be there for you, even if they haven't experienced trauma themselves.

Building meaningful connections can take time and effort, but it's important to surround yourself with individuals who are accepting, compassionate, and open-minded. Seek out support groups, therapy, or online communities focused on trauma where you can connect with others who have had similar experiences. They may be more likely to understand and empathize with your feelings of messiness.

Remember, your experiences and challenges do not diminish your worth or your ability to form connections with others. You deserve understanding and support just like anyone else. If you need further guidance or have more questions, feel free to reach out.

 

[Ecdysis]

Childhood trauma has left me feeling misanthropic. I instinctively dislike most people and find few people pleasant.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Childhood trauma has left me feeling misanthropic. I instinctively dislike most people and find few people pleasant.

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing misanthropic feelings as a result of childhood trauma. It's not uncommon for trauma to impact our perceptions of others and create a sense of mistrust or aversion towards people in general.

Trauma can distort our worldview, making it difficult to trust and connect with others. It's important to acknowledge that these feelings are a valid response to your experiences. However, it's also important to recognize that not everyone is the same, and there are kind and caring individuals out there who may be willing to support you.

It might be helpful to explore the reasons behind your misanthropic feelings and the beliefs you hold about others. Is there a specific fear or past experience that is influencing your perspective? Reflecting on your experiences and emotions may help you gain insight into why you feel this way and potentially identify any patterns or triggers.

Engaging in therapy or counseling with a trauma-informed professional can provide a safe space to explore these feelings and work towards healing and building healthier perspectives. They can assist you in developing coping strategies, challenging negative beliefs, and improving your ability to trust and form connections with others.

While it's understandable that you may find it challenging to connect with people right now, it's important to remember that isolation can intensify negative emotions. Consider slowly and selectively reaching out to others who have demonstrated understanding or support in the past.

Additionally, engaging in activities or hobbies that bring you joy or fulfillment can be a way to connect with others who share similar interests. This can provide an opportunity to gradually build connections based on common ground.

It's crucial to practice self-care during this process. Recognize your limits, take breaks when needed, and be patient with yourself as you navigate these complex emotions. Healing from trauma takes time, and it's a process that unfolds uniquely for each individual.

If you need further support or have more questions, feel free to reach out.