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I think I have this perfectionic thinking model that I need to always be perfectly prepared for every imaginable catastrophe and If cant make a plan and feel overwhelmed then I feel like a failure. Maybe it's a form to avoid hard feelings?
I do the same thing, as I tend to overthink and come up with every possible outcome, and then create a corresponding plan of action. I always thought it was a part of hyper-vigilance as I tend to do this when under stress. My way of attempting to control when things feel out of control.
I call this the game of worst case scenario. I come up with all the things that could happen in a situation and then plans to handle the worst one. I figure if I can do that then the rest will be easy. For me I find comfort in predicting and solving because that’s how I coped with the chaos of my world as a kid. Old habits die hard.
I used to try and plan, I’d get myself all in a knot going through what I was going to do. Inevitably it always went to shit so I made the executive decision to just wing it.
I may not be a genius, but I can count to two and I decided being stressed once was better than being stressed twice!
Besides, I found out it was really a lot more fun to go with it and enjoy it rather than stressing that things weren’t going to plan. All the best times just sort of ‘happen’!
i watch my p-wording. . . be it planning or perfectionism, it permeates and isolates further than any of my other psycho ticks. go away world! ! ! i'm busy with very important p-wording. in my own case, i have zero doubt i do it to avoid feelings. as a child, i earnestly believed i could control the world by being a "good girl," by whatever definition the adult in charge was using to define, "good girl." with an adolescent awareness of how many definitions of, "good girl" there are in the world, i schemed endlessly to avoid the need to be anybody's definition of "a good girl."
fast forward to my 70th year of life and i'm still trying to untangle THAT psycho snot knot while learning that those unplanned imperfections provide much beauty and character in this crazy world we live in. stay true to you, warts and all.