feeling like self-harm and depressed

littlestars

Learning
Feeling really depressed tonight and I'm picking myself apart... so far down that I feel worthless. I'm feeling like hurting myself even though I haven't in years. I'm in a serious, healthy relationship for once, but at times I feel like I can't handle it. I don't want to break up because there's no reason to and I love him, but I feel like dying. I can't handle my jealousy which i keep to myself or my insecurities. They make me suicidal or want to hurt myself. I don't want to be this way anymore. Please help in any way that you can.
 

bellbird

Sponsor
Hey @littlestars , are you safe? If you are at serious risk, please reach out for help IRL.

In the short term: when I feel like SHing, I find the best thing to do is distract myself. Can you think of anything that might help like that right now?

The urge always passes eventually. My old therapist would say I need to ride the urge wave until it passes. It's tough, but it's possible, worth it, and more importantly you are worth it.

Hang in there, you can get through this.

In the long term: are you accessing any kind of help like therapy to work through your insecurities and manage your symptoms?
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
I'm sorry you are feeling that way. What stopped you from SIing in the past? Do you have a list of things that help you cope with the feeling?
 

Renly

Learning
I hope you are feeling better! I can relate…I’m definitely a stuffer of my emotions, but since beginning therapy I’ve been learning how suppressing all those secrets and negative emotions end up eating you alive. Are you in therapy or do you have a safe person you can talk to? If I were you I would try doing some physical movements (like stretching, jumping, going for a jog) or any other activity to get a little more grounded and away from the intensity of your emotions. If you are unsafe, reach out for help!! Posting here for support was a good first move.
 

JGirl

Confident
There is some great advice here @littlestars. Keep reaching out to real life supports and keep posting here for support. A thought that has helped me get through similar times is that no feeling is final. A counsellor once told me that it is impossible to feel this way forever. It will get better.
 

littlestars

Learning
I'm sorry you are feeling that way. What stopped you from SIing in the past? Do you have a list of things that help you cope with the feeling?
I usually curl up in a ball under the covers until the feeling passes, smoke/vape, or talk to someone I trust. I started smoking cigarettes to stop SH. Then I quit smoking. Now I'm on good medication that works for me... but I got triggered really bad this time because that specific trauma is unresolved.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
I usually curl up in a ball under the covers until the feeling passes, smoke/vape, or talk to someone I trust. I started smoking cigarettes to stop SH. Then I quit smoking. Now I'm on good medication that works for me... but I got triggered really bad this time because that specific trauma is unresolved.
Can you write it down......get it out of your head....and then put it away for a few days....go back and look at it when you are in a better place....that stops the looping and need for climbing in bed and hiding.
 

Friday

Moderator
I'm feeling like hurting myself even though I haven't in years.
Flipped around? That’s actually kind of awesome. As your reflex to feeling as badly as you are / were? Is reaching for a coping mechanism.

That it’s not a coping mechanism you want to use? Is a) also awesome, & b) gives you clues as to what kinds of coping mechanisms to replace it with: IE endorphin rush… natural pain relief + feel good / euphoria. Which makes total sense given HOW you were/are feeling that you wanted to regulate back towards midline normal.
 
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