Feeling like she doesn't want to see all parts of me (just venting)

[Pieruloordi]

I've been together with my gf for 3 years. Been going to therapy for 1 year now. It's been an exhausting year and processing my traumas has taken it's toll on our relationship. I'm writing to vent.

The issue is that my gf can't for some reason cope with the reality of my PTSD symptoms. I've told her I just want to be met with the same respect and dignity even when I am completely dysregulated mess and unable to function at all. I've told her I'll let her know if I need something during those times. I've told her that it's enough for her just to be and exists regardless of my internal state.

What usually happens goes along these lines: I have hard time managing my symptoms and can't function at all. That's when I need the time to be a mess. She starts asking me several questions and giving endless advice on what to do. I then proceed to tell her that I know what to do and I want to just be and process the pain within. What happens is she then keeps on pushing me even more and has told on several occasions that when I am dysregulated "it is not life at all." She sees me not eating frequently (self-injury symptom) or not doing daily chores (dysregulation/depression) as something so serious that I should be sent to a psych ward of some kind where people could take care of me..

Yesterday I had the courage to tell her about my feelings and thoughts of injuring myself and she immediately begun suggesting that people who are danger either to others or themselves can be forced against their will to psych wards or similar facilities. I told her I regretted opening up to her and I still do. Today she's been very passive-agressive towards me and doesn't want to talk with me anymore.

Anyway what usually happens is I feel like I am invisible to her when I'm in pain and she doesn't want to have anything to do with me unless she gets go dictate what happens and what should I do when going through the PTSD symptoms.. Feels bad.

 

[intothelight]

Does your GF go to therapy with you? Perhaps she should also seek some individual therapy as it is really hard for a SO to understand the mental, emotional and physical dynamics of PTSD. One thing that helped in my marriage was my husband being open to just letting me talk and being there to listen. It wasn't something he could fix, but just sitting with me while I was sitting with the mess that was sometimes my thoughts and feelings. It was also allowing me space when I needed it without taking it as a personal rejection. However, we did set some boundaries and some time constraints so it wouldn't damage our relationship and would allow each of us to grow closer as a couple without diminishing who we were as individuals. It does get better over time and it can take some time and tweaking to find the right mix of togetherness and communication. One thing that we had to establish early on is that my spouse is that first and foremost, and occasionally my caretaker, just as there are times he needs me to be his caretaker. (He has had some cardiac issues.).

When both people in the relationship are as healthy as they can be and are working on getting better as individuals and as a couple, it can be really rewarding. However, it does take time, patience, commitment, encouragement and respect.

 

[enough]

just my opinion- I can't solve this huge problem I have. Same as you, I have PTSD and the dysregulation and depression just keep coming at me and I can't solve that problem, I can't solve that problem, I want to solve that problem but I can't, I can't solve it.

Put me in close proximity with someone that is causing me a problem (wanting to tell me how to solve the problem) and presto! there is a problem I can solve and I have an overwhelming desire to solve it.

it aint easy. none of this shit. I try to remember that I can't get anyone to really understand this without actually giving them a dose to deal with and I do not want that.

She loves me or she would have long ago left me, or she is just so bullheaded that she can't give up on an unfinished project and is here till it is solved. Doesn't matter, i am lucky either way.

 

[Pieruloordi]

Thank you. Appreciate the replies. We had a long and thorough conversation yesterday. In the end we learned yet again some more about each other.