Hi, I am feeling lost, and any guidance would be greatly appreciated. I do apologize for the length.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend on/off for about a year and a half and we have known each other for 3 years. When I met him, he was dating someone else and I was in the process of getting divorced. However, it was an instant connection. The truth is I fell for him on day one. Our relationship has been moving at a turtle with a broken leg pace, and that's truly ok.
Last year we broke up and didn't speak for a few months. One of his best friends saw me struggling and confided that my love suffered from PTSD, and as much as he puts up a front, after Fallujah, he was broken. Recently, I have heard from another friend that my love has “really bad PTSD”. He has never come out and talked to me about his PTSD, in fact, he’s always put up the front that everything is FINE.
The biggest point of contention in our relationship has always been the massive amount of canceled dates. It has been why we’ve had an on/off relationship in the first place. When we first met, he would “forget” that we had plans and would say he had family obligations. Today, while he will message me the day before, he cancels all the time and it’s always due to family events. He hasn’t introduced me to his family yet, so this has also been hard for me. Because one would think that if you love someone, you'd want them to meet your family. Sometimes I struggle with the feeling he's ashamed of me on some level. While I see other PTSD-like symptoms, the canceling is the one thing I am not sure I can continue dealing with. He always feels awful afterward and I can tell it's hurting him.
When we are together, he is amazing! Loving, caring, attentive, sweet, funny. But as soon as he walks out that door, I feel like I lose him.
A couple of weeks ago after another canceled date, I hit my tipping point. I told him that until he could find balance in his life (work, family, me), we were over. I refuse to continue to be treated this way. A few days went by and he reached out not wanting things to end. I was clear if he wanted to be with me, things HAD to change. He has to take care of me the way I take care of him, be the man I know and love. He said he wanted to be with me and wanted things to change. But I am scared his words and actions will never align.
However, last night he briefly mentioned going to the VA for the next couple of days for evaluation/therapy. I was shocked. I tried asking questions but could tell he didn’t want to talk about it further. I don’t know if it has anything to do with me/us. He’s going that’s all that matters.
I love him with all my heart, he is it for me. But, I have to be able to depend on him to show up. I want so much for us but I'm scared 5 years is going to pass and we won’t move past this place. There's so much good in this man, he is my best friend, the love of my life and my home. Obviously, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to make this work. I just don’t know where to go from here. I can't do it all by myself.
Thank you for reading and listening to me.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend on/off for about a year and a half and we have known each other for 3 years. When I met him, he was dating someone else and I was in the process of getting divorced. However, it was an instant connection. The truth is I fell for him on day one. Our relationship has been moving at a turtle with a broken leg pace, and that's truly ok.
Last year we broke up and didn't speak for a few months. One of his best friends saw me struggling and confided that my love suffered from PTSD, and as much as he puts up a front, after Fallujah, he was broken. Recently, I have heard from another friend that my love has “really bad PTSD”. He has never come out and talked to me about his PTSD, in fact, he’s always put up the front that everything is FINE.
The biggest point of contention in our relationship has always been the massive amount of canceled dates. It has been why we’ve had an on/off relationship in the first place. When we first met, he would “forget” that we had plans and would say he had family obligations. Today, while he will message me the day before, he cancels all the time and it’s always due to family events. He hasn’t introduced me to his family yet, so this has also been hard for me. Because one would think that if you love someone, you'd want them to meet your family. Sometimes I struggle with the feeling he's ashamed of me on some level. While I see other PTSD-like symptoms, the canceling is the one thing I am not sure I can continue dealing with. He always feels awful afterward and I can tell it's hurting him.
When we are together, he is amazing! Loving, caring, attentive, sweet, funny. But as soon as he walks out that door, I feel like I lose him.
A couple of weeks ago after another canceled date, I hit my tipping point. I told him that until he could find balance in his life (work, family, me), we were over. I refuse to continue to be treated this way. A few days went by and he reached out not wanting things to end. I was clear if he wanted to be with me, things HAD to change. He has to take care of me the way I take care of him, be the man I know and love. He said he wanted to be with me and wanted things to change. But I am scared his words and actions will never align.
However, last night he briefly mentioned going to the VA for the next couple of days for evaluation/therapy. I was shocked. I tried asking questions but could tell he didn’t want to talk about it further. I don’t know if it has anything to do with me/us. He’s going that’s all that matters.
I love him with all my heart, he is it for me. But, I have to be able to depend on him to show up. I want so much for us but I'm scared 5 years is going to pass and we won’t move past this place. There's so much good in this man, he is my best friend, the love of my life and my home. Obviously, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to make this work. I just don’t know where to go from here. I can't do it all by myself.
Thank you for reading and listening to me.