Feeling so angry with family

I feel so angry with my family right now. I have CPTSD as a result of all the violence and neglect and addiction that went on in my family system then of course i developed all the problems that came with that..then I was visiting sister recently then she got drunk and turned around and said to me a couple of people who we know who i met very breifly at my fathers funeral said they think i have autism. I tried to explain to her the reason the way i was was becuase of ctsd and then came the kick in the stomcach..she says to me..but we all went through the same thing and were not like you...which is rubbish because trauma affects everyone differently...she is a rageholic rather than being the spaced out maladaptive daydreamer like I am . I asked a freind who has known me for years who had an autistic brother if she thought i had it she said she did not think so. I know what my family is like my whole life they have alienated me and called me weird for commiting the crime of not being like them and now this just seems like another way of making me feel like the way i am is my fault.
 

PTSDisaster

Confident
My sister and I went through the same thing too. She doesn't show any symptoms and always thinks I'm the one to blame for my ptsd, amd not my father who assaulted us. It is pretty frustrating that you have to justify yourself, especially when it's not your fault ánd you are already struggling enough.

I am often 'afraid' that I've got autism, but my therapist told me that there are a lot of things alike in ptsd and autism (for example: black and white thinking)

I hope you won't question yourself because your family doesn't know how to support you the way they should. Sorry you're going through this
 
Hello thanks for the insights . Glad I found this website to keep this stuff contained until i know how best to respond to it..ranting all this stuff to there faces only causes more trauma. I Do find there is a lot of trauma denial in my family...mys sister self medicates and rages..and now tells me its becuase i have autism..my aunt says i should not feel a certain way..My father like to pretend it was not all that bad. It really is a bit futile and you just have to accept the sad reality that the only useful support you will get for this is outside your family but lets face it how can you possibly so when that was the place that caused the trauma..its like asking a lion to lick your wounds after biting you.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
I'm so sorry it's like this in your family. You're completely right about your metaphor with the lion and the wounds. It's how trauma bonding works. You desperately would like them to be able to restore and correct what they did, but if they are still in it there is no way this is going to happen.

In my family there never was physical violence but to be f*cked up and to scapegoat it to my diagnosis, that happens. They all have mental health diagnosis though but they keep maintaining a facade and not seemingly wanting to treat the core of the infection and the intergenerational trauma. And wanting you to be seen in this mess really is at least disappointing when not enraging. You have the full right of being angry. Anger happens when you're faced with a situation that blocks you and or negates you. It's an appropriate response, even if very uncomfortable.

I hope you have some support outside of your family like a therapist and friends. But still the homecoming episodes can be repetitious and upsetting. I try to avoid them as much as I can.
 
R

rosanoname

I'm very familiar with the sister getting drunk and then telling me "like it is". It is abusive and quoting others to bolster remarks are classic bs. I stopped hanging around my sister for this very sort of reason. As if her brand of negative makes her more superior - it doesn't. Don't let yourself get too involved self-examining from what she said because that's just what she wants - to make you insecure. Not nice!
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I found this helpful although I don't know how you're supposed to get there exactly. But it mentions strengthening the grieving muscle , and mostly learning new healthy ways. I hope that for myself, I hope it for others too, in my own family. Far as myself goes, which is all I have control over or actually am responsible for (other than my reactions or the climate I co-create, my choices), I hope I can start new. I like how he can explain stuff easily, he makes it clear right away even around the 3 and 5 minute marks of the video. And the responses can be replayed as an adult, both by what we do and what others do to us.

I would like to leave it behind, but I think for the first time I understand there's no quick fix. Which I think I would have figured out after nearly 40 years. I can't remember but he said it's necessary for the ability to grow ( because it's developmentally stunted) self-compassion. I think most people take it for granted that every person is capable of it, uses it every day, and sees the world through those eyes. But we can easily become as abusive or self-rejecting to ourselves or give up on ourselves as others may have been. And we can be just as bad to others, with the outer critic as well as the inner critic/ reverse imposter syndrome. But he said you can choose activities that foster seeing life as a gift.

Hope it's helpful. He said the issue is grief.

 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
ETA What @rosanoame said is true, but that it's well beyond insecurity to total destruction. But important (and kind) to hear someone say otherwise. Thank you.
 
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