Feelings for my T

C_17

New Here
How do you guys deal with maybe developing feelings for your T? I have been going to therapy for a year now and she is the first actual T I had. I had a lot of issues growing up however most of my sessions have been me talking about my anger issues, anxiety, depression and relationship problems. However I feel like I’m developing feelings for my T and she has been also occurring in my dreams. I have already tried bringing up the subject with her however found it very difficult to talk about and told her to forget about it but. Never actually mentioned anything yet and I’m afraid to do so. Any suggestions on how you guys went about it ?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
When you say feelings, what kind of feelings?

It's perfectly usual and common and part of the process to have feelings for your T. I have plenty for mine.

Has your T talked about transference with you? As that is most likely what these feelings are. You transfering feelings from somewhere else on to your T.

My T actively encourages these feelings as she works in a relational way. And I am projecting a whole heap of feelings on to her, and seeing her as a parental figure.

It can be very painful, embarrassing, overwhelming, to have these feelings. But a good T will talk about it. I talk about it with my T again and again and again.

Hope you feel able to talk about it with your T again.
 

Friday

Moderator
How do you guys deal with maybe developing feelings for your T?
Real feelings, based on who they are, & my experiences with them… or attaching feelings that they don’t rate?

Don’t rate = It’s not about them, they’re just the warm body in front of me I’m attaching shit onto, so it’s not at all about them, but about me. For example either via mixed up times/places (attaching feelings I used to have for other people in my past, onto them, because my past is intruding on my present); or force of habit/ patterning/ I’d feel that way about anyone I spent significant time with in close proximity &/or under similar stresses/scenario/situation. (Like all women of a certain age being motherly, or all men sexy, or anyone with me when I’m upset either being an ally or an enemy. Patterns rather than people.); or defense mechanisms, which can & often are ALSO patterns/habits, but not always (a threat or someone to seduce to get “on side” are two of the most common); etc.
 

C_17

New Here
When you say feelings, what kind of feelings?

It's perfectly usual and common and part of the process to have feelings for your T. I have plenty for mine.

Has your T talked about transference with you? As that is most likely what these feelings are. You transfering feelings from somewhere else on to your T.

My T actively encourages these feelings as she works in a relational way. And I am projecting a whole heap of feelings on to her, and seeing her as a parental figure.

It can be very painful, embarrassing, overwhelming, to have these feelings. But a good T will talk about it. I talk about it with my T again and again and again.

Hope you feel able to talk about it with your T again.

No never actually talked about it. She mentioned it once but that’s about it. No feelings for me are not as like a parent figure but more of like sexual feelings. A while after I started therapy I started feeling like that however sometimes I feel like it would be because I have problems in my relationship but still feels strange as I cannot talk about it because I’m scared and I’m afraid that if I do it, it would be a case that she tells me to look for another therapist 😔
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
A good therapist will expect this and will be used to it. It's such a risk to tell your T these sexual feelings, but a good T will normalise it and work it through with you.

My T once asked me what would it be like if she did break boundaries with me? She reassured me she wouldn't, but wanted to explore what it might mean. I didn't actually want the boundaires broken because I knew it would mean the end of the therapeutic relationship. So it was helpful to explore in that way, for me.

I think therapy is so intensely intimate. We open up the most personal stuff and here is someone who accepts us and listens. That can easily turn erotic or sensual or something along the lines of sexual.

If you feel able, I think talking it through with your T will really help.

There is no shame in this at all.
 
Last edited:

joeylittle

Administrator
I don't disagree with what others have said, but I think there are a few times when what you're in therapy for - and how you approach the conversation - will affect whether it's a productive outcome (meaning, you get help understanding the feelings), or an upsetting one.

@C_17 - you don't have to answer this, but I'm wondering approximately how old you are, and what first brought you to therapy?
 

C_17

New Here
When you say feelings, what kind of feelings?

It's perfectly usual and common and part of the process to have feelings for your T. I have plenty for mine.

Has your T talked about transference with you? As that is most likely what these feelings are. You transfering feelings from somewhere else on to your T.

My T actively encourages these feelings as she works in a relational way. And I am projecting a whole heap of feelings on to her, and seeing her as a parental figure.

It can be very painful, embarrassing, overwhelming, to have these feelings. But a good T will talk about it. I talk about it with my T again and again and again.

Hope you feel able to talk about it with your T again.
No never actually talked about it. She mentioned it once but that’s about it. No feelings for me are not as like a parent figure but more of like sexual feelings. A while after I started therapy I started feeling like that however sometimes I feel like it would be because I have problems in my relationship but still feels strange as I cannot talk about it because I’m scared and I’m afraid that if I do it, it would be a case that she tells me to look for another therapist 😔
I don't disagree with what others have said, but I think there are a few times when what you're in therapy for - and how you approach the conversation - will affect whether it's a productive outcome (meaning, you get help understanding the feelings), or an upsetting one.

@C_17 - you don't have to answer this, but I'm wondering approximately how old you are, and what first brought you to therapy?
I’m 27. What brought me to therapy mostly was anxiety and anger issues, also problems growing up and problems in my 7 year relationship. Well that’s the issue I don’t know how I can approach my T making sure it will have a productive outcome rather then a upsetting outcome. And my T is not much older then me which sometimes makes me feel like she would understand but still worries me.
 
Top