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Feels like any sex i have is an assault - feel like a liar & a terrible person

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by sunnybee, May 5, 2018.

  1. sunnybee

    sunnybee Guest

    Hi there,

    I’m 18, and for three years of my high school life i was sexually abused.

    No one believed me in school, the boys who did it denied it when I finally told the guidance teacher. Now everyone from my old school believes I am a liar. This is just one of my problems.

    I know they know it happened. It would happen in hallways, i’d be groped, felt up, they’d corner me and threaten things, they sexually harass me in classes and even more.

    Now I’m out of school, and it feels like any sex I have is an assault. I feel like I have to, or the person will hurt me, even if I know they won’t. To me, it feels like assault, and then I feel guilty over that feeling; but I can’t get it out of my head.
    My friend has a similar experience and feeling, so she understands me, but I feel like everyone else will call me a liar and say I am a horrible person, but I feel like I am.

    I guess right now I’m letting it all out, but has anyone ever felt this feeling? Do any of you have the same feeling I get with sex? Please let me know. I feel terrible constantly..

    Much love to all of you.
     
    AliciaEff, Zoogal and Swift like this.
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  3. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    I think it would be a good idea to get into therapy.

    I also think it would be a good idea to stop having sex until you can say “no”.
     
    Hooper and Zoogal like this.
  4. Swift

    Swift I'm a VIP

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    Much love also to you.
    @EveHarrington , (is it ok if I call you Eve?), is right.
    Therapy is a good start.
    It might help you work out some of the feelings, particularly that "gross" feeling.
    I get it too.
    What those guys did to you sounds like it was against your consent.
    There's a difference there - I'm sure you know it.
    Healthy sex depends on consent, mate.
    (If you want to have sex at all. You might be ace, but I feel like you wouldn't be asking if you didn't want the sexy-type stuff. )
    What those boys did was wrong.

    In a healthy scenario, you're not just ok with it, you really, really want it. I'm not about to pull out the cheap paperback romance of "she wanted his pulsing member deep within her loins".'.
    But that's the shit you should aspire to. You need to want it.
    Take care, mate.
    (PS, as an aside, where I'm from we call that indecent assault. It's gross and it sucks, though. )
     
    Zoogal likes this.
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