Relationship Fiancé with CPTSD

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Nagarjuna

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Hi everyone,

I have been with my partner for nearly two years. She has CPTSD and experienced sustained and long term trauma as a child. She has a therapist and has been working at it with that person and a support group for several years.

Our first year together was hard as I took some of the things I now know are a result of this illness personally. At some point I realized that it is not me...that her paranoia about infidelity, her need for constant reassurance, and such was not a dig at my character, but a result of her own trauma. So I don't react negatively nearly as much as I once did. I am generally much more supportive this past year as a result of just that shift in mentality.

However, I don't see that this shift on my part has helped the relationship and her be more trusting. And over the past 9 months or so, I think that she has become a lot worse. It is almost constant needing of reassurance, asking the same questions over and over and over.

It is a lot to deal with and sometimes is just overwhelming. Right now I am really struggling with whether to end the relationship. She needs so much support and if I cannot give it, she gets angry, throws tantrums (lots of loud crying, sometimes she yells at me, etc), gives me the silent treatment, and other behaviors like that. But I care about her and want her to be happy. She is intelligent, talented, and beautiful person and I value her wisdom and opinion. I trust her and her views. So it is not all negative. But damn...this CPTSD is like a grenade in the room and takes over every space, and does so nearly all the time nowadays. I don't have anybody to talk to about it. Found this forum after hours of searching for family support on this.

We are planning to see a therapist together through Zoom starting this Saturday, so maybe that will help. But I already get the sense that she thinks this is mostly about me learning about CPTSD so I can help her. I agree...I want to learn more and get tools. I would also, however, like to see some movement on her part perhaps...I don't know. This is really, really hard.
 
hello nargajuna. welcome to the forum.

i congratulations on your wisdom in seeking therapy for yourself. i think my husband has developed secondary ptsd from 42 years of living with **my** ptsd. i've been on both sides of the ptsd help desk and, for my therapy nickel, the patient side is the easier side. psychosis makes much more sense from the inside than it does from the outside. when i'm the psychotic one, at least i can **hear** the internal chaos. as a supporter? ? ? sigh. . . ears open, mouth shut. it's not mine to sort.

steadying support while you find your way through. . . welcome aboard.
 
Thank you. My partner is now on Zoloft. It is like she's a different person: happy, without obsessive thought, and at ease. side effects of nausea and insomnia, but she has been on it less than a week. Amazing. The drug seems to have turned off her fight or flight response to every little thing...
 
Hi everyone,

I have been with my partner for nearly two years. She has CPTSD and experienced sustained and long term trauma as a child. She has a therapist and has been working at it with that person and a support group for several years.

Our first year together was hard as I took some of the things I now know are a result of this illness personally. At some point I realized that it is not me...that her paranoia about infidelity, her need for constant reassurance, and such was not a dig at my character, but a result of her own trauma. So I don't react negatively nearly as much as I once did. I am generally much more supportive this past year as a result of just that shift in mentality.

However, I don't see that this shift on my part has helped the relationship and her be more trusting. And over the past 9 months or so, I think that she has become a lot worse. It is almost constant needing of reassurance, asking the same questions over and over and over.

It is a lot to deal with and sometimes is just overwhelming. Right now I am really struggling with whether to end the relationship. She needs so much support and if I cannot give it, she gets angry, throws tantrums (lots of loud crying, sometimes she yells at me, etc), gives me the silent treatment, and other behaviors like that. But I care about her and want her to be happy. She is intelligent, talented, and beautiful person and I value her wisdom and opinion. I trust her and her views. So it is not all negative. But damn...this CPTSD is like a grenade in the room and takes over every space, and does so nearly all the time nowadays. I don't have anybody to talk to about it. Found this forum after hours of searching for family support on this.

We are planning to see a therapist together through Zoom starting this Saturday, so maybe that will help. But I already get the sense that she thinks this is mostly about me learning about CPTSD so I can help her. I agree...I want to learn more and get tools. I would also, however, like to see some movement on her part perhaps...I don't know. This is really, really hard.
Hi @Nagarjuna I just joined the group and made a similar post today. How are things going with therapy? I am considering that too as feeling at a crossroads. My spouse is pushing me to fight for our relationship but those triggers are sometimes so overwhelming for me to experience second-hand as well.
 
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