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Fight or flight? is this normal?

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Aubree Myers

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looking for some insight, I was in an extraordinarily abusive relationship for 6(ish) years. My current parter is an amazing, caring, and gentle guy. I've experienced fight or flight, or an extreme physical and mental response to things a handful of times post-abuse before, but nothing like this - after some nice afternoon intimacy, he pinned my arms above my head (thinking it would be cute to tickle me). We were both naked, there wasn't even a thought process for me - all I knew was what I felt, I need him off of me and I needed my torso/upper half of my body covered immediately. I bit him, freed my arm, and hit his arm and face. He was so shocked and confused, and I am humiliated and ashamed. I don't know how to describe that moment for me, it was like a flashback, it felt like danger, I think it was a fight or flight response triggered by my PTSD. I am not a violent person, and my boyfriend meant no harm. I feel like the abuser now and I'm so, so ashamed. Has anyone else experienced a trigger like this in front of someone and had to explain what happened?
 
I haven't been in an abusive relationship, but if my significant other does something unexpected while we're being intimate that results in my feeling trapped or unsafe, I'm also prone to a trigger. Because of the nature of my trauma, intimate situations like you described can sometimes be stressful for me and cause a trigger. When I'm in a state like that I will generally do everything to protect myself without thinking if it's bad. I'm also not a violent person at all, so you're not alone.

Completely normal. :)

Therapy helped me learn to recognize when I'm getting anxious so I can communicate with my partner or with myself to stop doing the thing that I might be able to identify as a potential trigger.

I don't always recognize it before it happens, but I'm getting a LOT better.

I hope this helped. :)
 
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