Sufferer Finally Dealing With PTSD - Childhood Trauma

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marto

New Here
Hi, I posted here awhile back and just again recently but I still had taken my issues seriously enough. I had both a good and a horrible childhood in my opinion. It wasn't all bad but from about 14 to 18 it was a nightmare. I lived alone in a house full of cats, we had over 20 of them at one point. My mom worked out of town so she would come home on the weekends which eventually turned into a weekend of abuse following 4/5 days of solitude. She would make enough food for me most of the time and then just leave. My dad would stop by once a week to do something or to take me to hockey and then that eventually turned into 1-2 times a month. I developed several mental issues, OCD, social anxiety, insomnia, ptsd, porn addiction. Eventually the house became ridden with fleas, or she wouldn't pay a utility or she didn't leave enough food to eat. When I was 5 she rolled my hand up in the window drove into a wooden fence and tore the skin off. I think it was accident but her response was like it was no big deal.

My mom would get triggered sometimes for no reason. The first time I knew a simple spanking had turned into some more dark when I was 12 and she walked into my room and clubbed in me in the kneecap with a broom handle. When I was 17 she tried to stab me with a butcher knife. She'd make me sleep outside times. She told me one time she would kill me if I went to sleep. Right before that she threw water in face to keep me up. Eventually I didn't care if she did kill me.

When I around 6 my sister was babysitting me and tried to scare me with a butcher knife and instead of dropping the act she kept going reveling in my fear. Her boyfriend almost drowned me around the same year when we swam in a river and I think it was something that her and him may have planned. She used to do other stuff like hang me over a flight of stairs and then juggle me by catching my one of my ankles with a different hand. I took some change from her in front of her just to toy with her knowing she was going to see me. I was laughing it was a joke but she really wanted to hurt me. I ran and tried to jump a flight of stairs and landed on my neck leaving me immobile. She kept screaming at me as I couldn't move. Even my father was shocked at her anger. It took me all these years to realize I was an accident and I was probably the only reason my parents got married. I never saw them say one kind thing to each other.
 

Freida

Sponsor
wow -- so sorry you had to grow up like this. It's so sad.

glad you found us - and welcome.
Lots of people here will understand what you are going thru :hug:
 

Missycat

MyPTSD Pro
Im so sorry you had to go through all that.
Welcome to the forum, you can feel safe and supported here.
I hope you are getting support ie therapy etc.
Take care
 

marto

New Here
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