Finally Had My First Appointment With New Therapist

David1959

Learning
This week has been a good one because I finally had my first appt (virtual) with my new T. I liked her and I am glad I waited the 3 months to get an appt with her. I had sent her a number of my posts from this site ahead of the session and I think that helped her get up to speed a little. I now have a weekly appt with her and for the first time in months I feel positive.

One observation she had which I believe is probably true, that a lot of my PTSD stems from my inability to forgive myself for not speaking up about my abuse at 10yo. Yes, I know it makes no sense to blame ones self for not speaking up to protect myself at 10 years old. If I were speaking with someone else who relayed that to me I would absolutely tell them that they are the victim and at 10 they did not have the maturity to understand what was happening.

That does not change the fact that I do indeed blame myself and harshly for not protecting myself from a pedophile at 10. Makes no sense whatsoever but it is buried so deeply in my psyche that I can not escape it.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Very happy to hear the wait was worth it!!! Sounds like the two of you will make a good team in your healing journey. And she will help you to understand why you blame yourself.

'When the student is ready, the teacher appears'. You are ready. It is obvious in your writing so far that you want your life to move forward. Always be proud of yourself for taking that very hard first step knowing you need help. That takes tremendous courage.

Hope you feel like keeping us updated. We are supporting your journey and supporting you along the way.
 

Missycat

MyPTSD Pro
@David1959 - im glad you’ve found someone and she’s the right therapist for you. Seems like it was worth the wait.
I totally understand how you feel re the guilt . You may not be surprised to hear that its such a common feeling for abuse survivors ( amongst many others). Guilt, shame and blame seem to be my ‘go to’ feelings when i’m having a tough time . Therapy has really helped me make sense of a lot of my feelings - it cant remove what happened but it helps me work through it and helps me continue to function. I wish you all the best.
 

triptych

New Here
I’m so glad you’ve found someone who’s a good fit :)

The guilt thing must be really difficult for you, but the fact that she made that observation probably means she’ll be a good person to work through that with
 
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