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Finally turned my abuser in...

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by Jlso111187, Apr 26, 2018.

  1. Jlso111187

    Jlso111187 Well-Known Member

    It has been 15 years since the last time my abuser raped me. I today finally turned him in. I dont know how I feel at this point. So many emotions are going through my head. I know I did the right thing because he raped his granddaughter who is 5 just last month and thats what started this event. I dont feel lighter like everyone said I would. I had buried so much and now all the emotions are right back at the surface. Do I feel like I could of stopped him from raping anyone else yes i do. I blame myself that another little girl has to go through the same hell I have been living in for almost 25 years. There is so much that I cant express right now but the feeling the most is hate and guilt. I hate this man for all 5 of us who have came forward in the last month, I hate my aunt who told her daughter she was lying about my uncle raping her as I feel if she would of belived her none of us would have to go through what we did. I hate myself for not saying anything sooner. or telling the one i did tell to keep my secret with me. I hate that my uncle had the adacity to call me up after finding out he was being investigated for rape to tell me to keep silent. I feel guilty for not coming forward sooner and saving others. I just have soo much on my mind and cant seem to think clearly right now. Maybe when I sort through it all things will get better.

    Any one else have thoughts that could help????
    AliciaEff, berlinda, Ronin and 2 others like this.
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  3. Sietz

    Sietz I'm a VIP

    Just want to say.. this is incredibly corageous, congratulations on taking this step. :)
    Try to focus on the good you're doing to others, and the relief it is that he could be behind bars in a short time. :)

    This is an awesome step forward.
    AliciaEff, berlinda, User88 and 5 others like this.
  4. bellbird

    bellbird Active Member Donated

    I agree with @Sietz ; it's such a courageous step to take. Congratulations.

    I have some thoughts on this. My situation is slightly different, so you can take or leave my words as you like.
    I'm about 4 months free from an abusive relationship.
    Yesterday I finally accepted that in the four months since, I've been in denial about my fear that he will turn up at my university institute and harass me.
    Today I had a meeting with my supervisor and two trusted staff members where I told them this fear. We now have a plan in place where they and my office mate know to call the police if he shows, and the institute office knows to not disclose my office location if someone rings to ask where it is.
    We've also made sure that my office location and details aren't on my university website.

    I feel very comfortable with the plan that was made, and I'm glad that I told them. So in theory, I should feel lighter/better right? At least I thought I would. But nope.
    I left the meeting with a very odd mix of emotions- anger (toward him but also toward myself), guilt, shame, sadness...

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that, to me, it seems like in complex situations where relationships and trauma are involved and interacting, feelings often aren't as they 'should' be.
    And I would think that a huge step, such as the one you took turning your abuser in, would stir those feelings up immensely.

    I hope things will settle down for you soon. Again, congratulations on what you have done. I hope my comparison made sense; I realise our stories are different but I thought they share a commonality, so I hope it will help in some way.
    Bearlinda, Sietz and littleoc like this.
  5. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

    His actions are his. Not yours. What he did is on him. Not you.
    User88, 8888, bellbird and 1 other person like this.
  6. 8888

    8888 I'm a VIP

    I applaud you for having the strength to come forward.
    littleoc and Sietz like this.
  7. AliciaEff

    AliciaEff Active Member

    It’s understandable that you feel guilty and you hate yourself, so I’m not going to tell you that your feelings are bad.

    What I will say is that I don’t blame you and I don’t hate you. I can safely assume everyone in this site feels the same way. We would really like it if you get to a place where you don’t hate yourself anymore, but it’s perfectly normal to feel that way.
    littleoc and bellbird like this.
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