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Finding a Mate - Need a Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by cactus_jack, May 13, 2007.

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  1. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    Really not meaning anything sexual, if that's the way it comes across. I'm looking to make myself better at finding a girl friend. I've had a few in real life, but when they find out I have a disability (not counting the PTSD) most split. A couple didn't, one turned out was screwing a guy behind my back (and we were engaged) and she couldn't figure out why I dumped her; and the other was fabulous. The one time I felt like there actually was love there between us. Only only huge problem- I was 34 and she was 63. No sex, but we had a very very special relationship. And we were engaged for a bit before I chickened out.

    It has been 7 1/2 years since I last had sex. And it's been 3-3 1/2 years since I last had a GF.

    I want to write up an ad, but I have difficulty writing it. I don't expect anyone to do it for me, but any help is welcome!
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  3. madjon

    madjon Active Member

    try looking for friendship, always a good start, online or paper add? theres a lot of online places now which arent seedy or require subscriptions,
  4. Monarch

    Monarch I'm a VIP Premium Member

    this sounds totally corny but try Church.
  5. Pitt Bull

    Pitt Bull Member

    Church may sound corny but it works. That is where I met my wife of 12+ years. We started off as friends and then started dating. I wanted to marry her the first day I met her. She is more than my wife she is also my BEST friend.

    Don't knock it until you have tried it. I would start out making a stronger friendship with someone and then try to make it work for a girlfriend situation. Then you never know you may find your sole mate. A good friend now may actually be the person you are looking for. GOOD Luck!!!!!
  6. Grama-Herc

    Grama-Herc I'm a VIP

    Oh Jack, Jack, Jack-----Please quit looking. Don't you know by now that your sole mate is out there and will cross your path when you are ready. Looking only seems to attract loosers, or at least that has been MY experiences. Besides don't think you are the only person in this boat. It has been 15 years for me!! Yes I said 15 years. My therapist decided that I was not the best judge of people and with my problems-and 4 failed marraiges-I didn't need a mate so I have a new theroy of life. When I get the urge for a man in my life I just get ANOTHER cat. To date I have 4 cats ! ! ! But I surly do make a super friend HERC
  7. Daomadan

    Daomadan New Member

    Online dating?

    Have you considered online dating? I just took the plunge and am trying eHarmony and others and so far...I'm actually rather impressed. I'm an introvert so I like that I can just read about people and then make my decisions anonymously and not have to try to go to a bar or church or anything and force myself to get over being shy and talk to someone.

    I wish you luck!
  8. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Shit... finding romance is the easiest thing nowadays with the Internet, its more a problem finding true love... sex and romance (fling) is easy... just check out the thousands of dating sites and portals, get online, get in them, get chatting, get into their chat rooms, the lot....
  9. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    I'd say the big problem with this is ourselves. I know my lack of trust is a huge issue that prevents me from making freinds or even dating. In order to find a mate, we need to take a risk and put ourselves out there. No easy task (one I'm not ready for personally.)

    Good luck and let us know what your trying and how it's working!

  10. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    Trust is so hard to make. So many times I have trusted counselors, and I get let down. I trusted friends, and I get let down. I trust this person and that person and these people and those people.....and I get let down.

    At the same time so many people tell me I should try trusting people for a change. For a change? LOL! I have been trying! Just because they don't see it doesn't mean it's not there or never happened. It has and I have tried. And nearly everytime I get screwed.
  11. ryair

    ryair Active Member

    Hi CJ,:hello:
    TRUST YOURSELF FIRST!!!!! Trust that no matter what, you are still the same good person and you will never let yourself down!!!! As for others.... well, everyone is human, and if we allow people to have their own opinions, and know that of course they will let you down from time to time, it makes forming relationships easier.
    We will never NOT hurt the people we love, try as we might!! And that goes the other way too!!
    Start every day new, look for that cloud with the silver lining, and trust that no matter what, you can open your heart a million times and gather some beautiful moments in time. Dont deny yourself those! For every heartbreak, you have LOVED. And to love unconditionally, knowing we will be hurt and loving anyway, is the most beautiful kind of love.
    Have faith in yourself!!!
  12. Portabella

    Portabella Well-Known Member

    Just my opinion. Don't look too hard, it will come. Also, Church is good, but library is also a good place and join a class. Ceramics, Bonsai, martial arts, yoga, you name it and you would be amazed at who you will meet with a similar hobby at those classes. Good luck to you.
  13. Nicolette

    Nicolette ♡ Supporter Admin ♡ Supporter Admin Sponsor $100+

    Never give up and don't lose faith..... you never know what is around the corner or what wonders a new day can bring :smile:
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