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Finding flaws in therapy again

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by Sietz, Jul 3, 2018.

  1. Sietz

    Sietz I'm a VIP

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    I think I may be burned out from all my crappy therapists, so now I'm trying to find excuses to quit this T as well.

    It sucks because I'm progressing already and it's only been a month. She's a good T, and she's doing the right things and asking the right questions.

    But I get triggered by talking trauma crap, then get angry with her for bringing it up even if that's basically what I'm paying therapy for. :rolleyes:

    So I analyse every little detail, that could perfectly be discussed with her with open arms, and focus on the negatives so I have an excuse to quit.

    I'm writing this because I became aware I'm doing it, and know I'll need to discuss this with her.
    More like being accountable for my healing instead of running away from it on the grounds that they all suck an no one can help me.

    Thanks for reading.
    Appreciate any insight if you have it, or just plain support because I feel crappy for being this oblivious.:wtf:
     
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  3. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    :hug::hug: @Sietz ...^^ me too so I suggest you speak to your T about how you can handle things between therapy sessions. She may be able to help you reduce the discomfort etc.

    She sounds like a good T. You should try and stick with this T for a while. It's a hard slog but you can do it. :)
     
    tin-man, piratelady and Sietz like this.
  4. MyWillow

    MyWillow Well-Known Member

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    Kudos to you for recognising it!!! Sending support and some sort of healing super power xxx

    Can I ask what happens when you get “triggered”? Do you mean that you dissociate?
     
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  5. Sietz

    Sietz I'm a VIP

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    I've done this on our last session, but completely forgot what she suggested I'd do. My mind kinda went blank.
    She gave me other tools to deal with triggers that I remember. Maybe they're the same? I'm confused.
    I should've written it down or something.
    If I had her email address I'd ask, but I don't.

    Thanks be :hug:

    Most times anxiety goes haywire, I start having a panic attack sometimes (doesn't really happen, just seems like it's going to), sweaty palms, heart racing, thoughts a million miles an hour.
    Other times I dissociate and get really tired.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 3, 2018
  6. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    Do you think you could ask if the last 5 mins of the session are committed to breathing, relaxation or something that brings you back to a better state of mind? Idk you might be already doing this. It's good to try. Particularly the breathing exercise. It helps me.

    Lots of self-care post session also helps. Even though I don't feel like doing it...actually the reverse is what I feel like doing...but self-care routine does help too. Warm baths, walking, keeping things fairly simple for the first few days after.
     
  7. Sietz

    Sietz I'm a VIP

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    Yes, we do this.
    She's great, that's the problem lol

    I do this too :)
     
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  8. Mach123

    Mach123 I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

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    You have to be ready? I sat around with therapists for years and did nothing. Then I told someone the first time, nothing happened. Then things got really bad and I was like "maybe there is some more to do lol." You are doing what I did (am still doing.). You have something to do so you keep showing up, and part of you gets in the way. It'll come out though, that's how I look at it.
     
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  9. MyWillow

    MyWillow Well-Known Member

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    Hey @Sietz I’m not sure if this helps but my new psydoc reminds me that if I’m dissociating that easily it means I don’t feel SAFE. The inner child needs soothing and comfort and reassurance. She wants me to wrap my arms around myself once I’m back, stroke my arms like I would my cat and reassure the inner child that everything is ok and it’s safe here. Totally made me feel whacky but I’ve been doing it when I wake in a dissociated panic and it’s helping. This woman is good and I’m prepared to try it.
     
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  10. Sietz

    Sietz I'm a VIP

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    It does help @MyWillow, thanks :hug: to you and :hug: to little you
    Great, it's what I think as well. :)

    Ha, I think so too. I'm glad you like her.

    I can do this. :)
     
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  11. piratelady

    piratelady Not Broken Premium Member

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    Can you ask her to write down the things she suggests or give her your email address and ask her to email them to you so you can reference it between appointments?
     
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  12. Swift

    Swift I'm a VIP

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    I dunno if this helps, but...
    I'm more likely to persist with a bad therapist than a good one. My "hey, this person is getting too close" thing goes nuts and I completely shut off. Case in point: I've spent the last coupla sessions with my T other than today's fine-tuning her computer. I think she realises that I'm trying to run a bit.

    Two things that matter in therapy are pace and style. If the pace is too fast, too much trauma talk too quickly, you bet it's gonna be uncomfortable. She may think you're handling it better than you are, if your during-session brave face is good.
    Style-wise... people communicate differently and use different words to mean different things. I've said more on that elsewhere, so I'll just leave that for now.

    Support wise:
    Firstly, good on you for asking.
    Secondly, @Sietz, you are doing an amazing thing. You've persisted through shitty therapists, and shitty feelings coming up in therapy, and all the pain that it brings up. Therapy has been harder than the trauma for me in some ways, because I actually have to feel this dog shit and analyse it instead of just letting it happen and numbing it with shit coping srategies.
    I really, really, really hope you continue.
    You're doing amazing work even recognising that running might not be your intellect thinking but your emotions talking.
    Be gentle with yourself.
     
  13. Sietz

    Sietz I'm a VIP

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    As always, amazing insight @Swift
    This might be the culprit.
    And she did say for me to take the lead. So if begin yapping about trauma, she won't tell me otherwise.
    This might be true.
    Thank you!
    I will. It's just my brain doing it's thing :confused:

    Thank you

    (Sorry mods)
    Yes, I'll do that next appointment. I don't even have her number or anything.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2018
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