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Finding Like Sufferers - A Disturbing Trend

Discussion in 'General' started by anthony, Dec 21, 2006.

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  1. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

    I can see a disturbing trend beginning from members who believe that they must find someone who has suffered exactly as they have in order to find comfort, reassurance or understanding. Whilst this may seem like a logical thought, it really isn't actually. Under no circumstance should a person divert their attentions to finding someone who has suffered the exact same scenario as what they have suffered, because all this does is create much more stress, often resulting in depression and suicidal ideation, as a sufferer begins telling themselves that they are unique, or that they are somehow different from others.

    How we reach the point of PTSD has nothing to do with just our trauma, it has to do with the life we led before trauma, it has to do with our personalities uniquely, it has to do with individualism, not collective togetherness as such. You see, when you begin to focus on a path that is a lost cause, you automatically are narrowing your thought perception to specifics. These specifics become your concentrated zone as such, a zone that is a double edged sword, in that whilst you may believe you’re going to find clarity within it, you’re also going to find much more pain from loneliness, and feeling you are unique in your situation. A dangerous combination to say the least!

    When you think broader, when you look at the overall picture, the full scheme of your illness, PTSD is the focal point of that illness, because whilst all our traumas are unique, the end result is PTSD. I'll say that again, "all our traumas are unique." No two people have suffered the exact same trauma, far from it. Whilst you may look at two people who have both been raped, both traumas are vastly different from like or similar. The place was different, the person different, the words spoken, the actions taken, the mood, violence, pain, and the individuals perception of the trauma taking place. People say loosely in regard to why one gets PTSD, another not. The reason is because every single trauma is related to nobody else except the individual suffering it. It is not how collectively any two people relate a trauma, but how you as an individual relate the trauma to yourself.

    Put two soldiers in a section attack, one has one person in their sights, the other another, both pulling the trigger. Both people where side by side in that attack, one pulled the trigger and continued fighting through, the other pulled the trigger and took a couple of seconds to watch the bullet impact the enemies skull, chest or wherever it hit, watching the blood, the expression, the pain and suffering upon that person face. Even though they are the enemy at that time, and it is kill or be killed, everyone their are still human beings. How both those soldiers dissect their unique traumas are not going to be the same. If both come out with PTSD, whilst they have the similar broader aspect of being soldiers in the same fire fight, they both suffered very unique trauma individually. Like, but not close to the same. One continues to suffer in alcohol and self abuse, the other heals and continues life. Why? Because they are both unique and both individuals, even though they where in the same place fighting the same enemy at the same time; neither could directly relate the others trauma, only that they experienced the same overall bigger picture of the fire fight itself, nothing more.

    Healing our trauma has little to do with our actual experience itself. You see, trauma is another name for emotions, or emotional impact. It is a severe quantity of emotions upon us at once. No two people will suffer the same emotional impact, ever, because of individualistic characteristics that are programmed into us. DNA is another name for individualism. No two are the same, hence how we perceive things are very different. Let me use veiled as an example. She has a twin sister, both suffered the trauma, veiled has PTSD her sister not. Twins, yet their DNA is still unique and different, their life experience is different, how they both interpret any situation is different, because they are both wired differently, even though they are twins.

    Instead of looking so narrow, and training yourself to become quite narrow minded, which equates to depressive, look at the broader picture of your trauma itself, without the actual situation itself. Look at the emotional level of trauma, not the logical incident itself. Trauma is one big emotion, regardless whether you turned left, right or whatever and hit another person, ran over a person with a truck, where raped, it doesn't matter because the incident itself was the materialistic side of trauma, not the side of trauma that actually effected you, being the emotional scope.

    You can poke sticks all day at this person who walked in front of me and I ran over them (sorry, using nuggets story as an example only), or this person raped me when it was raining, the floor was wet and he abused me, and the list goes on. I know this sounds harsh, but it’s the truth, and the truth is harsh. All of those materialistic, image aspects of the trauma have nothing to do with you healing. The emotional impact of those visuals is what has impacted you, not the visuals themselves. You dream of the visuals because of the emotional response within you, the emotional response that caused PTSD. The visuals, mood, weather and so forth did not cause your PTSD, the emotional responses you felt uniquely to your incident is what has caused you PTSD.

    So the obvious then is to stop poking sticks at a narrow minded approach to healing, forget the visuals and concentrate on the unique emotional impact the visuals have had upon you. Stop looking for someone who has suffered the same, because you will never find it, what you will find though, is others that feel the same emotional impact as you do, and that is the bigger picture than the images themselves.
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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    To make this very clear, we relate to and understand each other because of our PTSD not the cause of it.

    Even I notice moments when I will be more drawn to a certain person due to circumstances or not drawn to one because of another. Yet, when I read the stories I understand the anxiety, depression, nightmares, wieght loss (insert weight gain here,) grinding teeth, explosions, seclusion etc.. I not only understand it, I can talk about it, read about it, hear about it etc.. without getting all uptight with trying to explain it. Even better what I am referring to is understood!!! Without having to experience (or even know about) my every trauma. How great is that?

    Every member with PTSd on this board is my family. We are a family brought together, not with blood relations, with a disorder relation. Whether you have PTSD from military, policing, war, rape, abuse etc.. does not matter. What matters is that we have each other, we can understand and relate to each other and help each other.

    Keep this in mind.

  4. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

    Well, I relate to what a lot of people say here, some more than others, but not because of what happened to them necessarily, more just the feelings and symptoms they describe. I'm not really expecting to find many other people whose father went ape shit one night and murdered his whole family. Actually I don't want to meet another person with the same experience, cause it wouldn't be the same anyways, like you guys just said.
  5. batgirl

    batgirl I'm a VIP

    Oh and I guess I'll add, I used to wish I could meet someone like me, like when I first started posting here on the forum, but I don't feel that way anymore.
  6. Josh77

    Josh77 Active Member

    I agree. i've gotten much help from many different people on this forum, regardless of whether or not they have experienced the same traumas.
  7. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    i have come to think that those with different experiences than mine are easier to understand the process and symptoms of ptsd, maybe it's just too close when they are similar, but thinking about and understanding someone else's symptoms helps me look at the things i am doing that are ptsd, and not just me. like being a little paranoid--just have to keep reminding myself that things are not as they seem, and quit being oversensitive. i appreciate all of y'alls input on the forum.
  8. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    While I need help healing from years of sexual abuse I don't look for some one just like me.

    If there was some one out there like me, I'd probably hate them.
    sad but true.

    My wanting to learn about how to deal with my reaction to rape is about the rape not so much the ptsd.

    Does that make any sense????
  9. Josh77

    Josh77 Active Member

    yes. it does make sense. I think that we have to deal with the trauma that caused our PTSD and not the symptoms so much. Is it the same for you?
    i might be wrong, but i think that's what you're saying...

  10. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    That was what I meant *g*

    Just wasn't sure f anyone *else* got what I meant.
  11. nugget

    nugget Well-Known Member

    Anthony, Becvan,:claps:
    Thanks for your posts, Anthony you are just like my old Nana pointing out the obvious. Once again i can see i have got my tunnel vision back again only seeing and hearing what i want to. Thanks for the grounding I feel like bursting into a song. ---------! I can see clearly now the rain has gone.!
  12. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Yeah, but nugget think about it... as mod, editors, what ever we are supposed to edit out posts not realavent to the original posts... But yours well hell we were ending up talking about pom poms and hats and dingle berries... LOL we were all laying down on the job and I think it is natural to not to want to know if in this big world "am I the only one who had it happen this way?"

    No, we do not need to concentrate on groups and cliques as far as trauma, but look at PTSD as a whole. But we need those traumas out and it is not an awful sin to wonder am I the only one who had this cause it, long as it is not dwelled upon. But brought out is more important. It being open is what matter so it can be worked on.
  13. elvis

    elvis Active Member

    wow. i really like this and the way it was all said that way. i think with PTSD, comes such a strong desire (even if it is stuffed down) to be HEARD and UNDERSTOOD. but i think the PTSD gets in the way, when, like anthony said, our view becomes narrowed. reminds me of that proverb " there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." i think in my own shame and confusion...and fear is when i do this. i am struggling a lot with denial. also, the fact that i have not been "approved" for the PTSD only section is causing a lot of ridiculous anxiety in me. like wondering, hm. do i not belong here? i feel so stupid even saying that, but it is true.
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