I am pretty confused on where to draw the line, how much should I keep the trauma details to myself and how much can I share with my partner without them affecting him. Of course, whenever I had a flashback, my partner is pretty worried seeing the disturb me, and sometimes he wanted to know details what is bothering me. His thinking, he wanted to know more so that he can be more helpful with better understanding of the situation but on my side, I usually told him that it’s merely some bad memories. Of course, it's pretty hard for me to tell him details of what my assailant had done or how he ravished my body and things like that. And I believe,neither will it be easy for him to know the details of the assault.
I had told him that I never like him to be rough and that I dislike him whispering into my ears in bed. He has stop doing that since but what I did notice is, each time after I had told him the truth, he becomes extra cautious during our intimate moment, and for months I can sense that he is very afraid that he may trigger or hurt me. I feel sorry seeing him that way as though my past is spreading us thin. Though he does not mind nor has he complain about it but somehow I do feel bad about myself and the trauma has on us now. This has even made me more cautious on what to share with him in the future.
He may want to know every details now but I just doubt he can accept details without them affecting him in the future. Though he will never force me but sometimes I am finding him a little pushy, wanted to share my pain yet I have doubts on how much details a guy can truly accept, what matters or how bad will it bother him after knowing the truth. Precisely, the more details he knows, the more my trauma is affecting him, as he is becoming over protective or over worry about me especially whenever he is not with me and failed to reach me. He fear something bad may happen to me again. Also I can see he is hurt and angry at my assailant although he tried not to show them to me, but I can read others very well, especially him.
Sometimes, I truly wonder what the opposite sex has on their mind and how much details they would want to know. I find that it’s not necessary for him to know details of the assault, as I do not want them sitting inside his head forever but sometimes he doesn’t agree so. I think he was much stronger 10 years ago than now where I did randomly pour the details of the assault to him when I couldn't hold them inside me then. He was more concern about my safety and finding ways to comfort and help me pick myself up than wanting to know details of the assault. So I guessed he didn't pay much attention to the details then because he was very busy attending to the hysterical me, but surprisingly now, he wanted to know details again. I am just confused.
In my opinion, sometimes knowing the truth may not be the best idea. Gosh, I am struggling to find the balance.
I had told him that I never like him to be rough and that I dislike him whispering into my ears in bed. He has stop doing that since but what I did notice is, each time after I had told him the truth, he becomes extra cautious during our intimate moment, and for months I can sense that he is very afraid that he may trigger or hurt me. I feel sorry seeing him that way as though my past is spreading us thin. Though he does not mind nor has he complain about it but somehow I do feel bad about myself and the trauma has on us now. This has even made me more cautious on what to share with him in the future.
He may want to know every details now but I just doubt he can accept details without them affecting him in the future. Though he will never force me but sometimes I am finding him a little pushy, wanted to share my pain yet I have doubts on how much details a guy can truly accept, what matters or how bad will it bother him after knowing the truth. Precisely, the more details he knows, the more my trauma is affecting him, as he is becoming over protective or over worry about me especially whenever he is not with me and failed to reach me. He fear something bad may happen to me again. Also I can see he is hurt and angry at my assailant although he tried not to show them to me, but I can read others very well, especially him.
Sometimes, I truly wonder what the opposite sex has on their mind and how much details they would want to know. I find that it’s not necessary for him to know details of the assault, as I do not want them sitting inside his head forever but sometimes he doesn’t agree so. I think he was much stronger 10 years ago than now where I did randomly pour the details of the assault to him when I couldn't hold them inside me then. He was more concern about my safety and finding ways to comfort and help me pick myself up than wanting to know details of the assault. So I guessed he didn't pay much attention to the details then because he was very busy attending to the hysterical me, but surprisingly now, he wanted to know details again. I am just confused.
In my opinion, sometimes knowing the truth may not be the best idea. Gosh, I am struggling to find the balance.