1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

First day back to work after attempt

Discussion in 'Depression & Suicidality' started by Glo809, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. Glo809

    Glo809 Well-Known Member Donated

    291
    573
    243
    Greetings
    Well that was kinda awkward, found out someone had genuine concern for my absence and the rest didn't even notice.

    I work overnights so my human contact is minimal.

    Funny thing is that I don't give a rats ass anymore.
    G
     
  2. Register to participate in live chat, PTSD discussion and more.
  3. brokenEMT

    brokenEMT Well-Known Member

    887
    2,870
    643
    I can empathize. Since I've been off work, only 1 person (out of 500+) has contacted me to see how I'm doing. I went from family to forgotten the minute I left the station.

    I hope your second day back is better than your first.
     
  4. Glo809

    Glo809 Well-Known Member Donated

    291
    573
    243
    Greetings
    A friend of mine made the observation that I seem to project a strange calmness since beimg released from the psyc unit.

    Is this unique?

    G
     
    Slushie and DharmaGirl like this.
  5. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    9,537
    21,917
    11,538
    Sadly I think that work friends are really only "friends" while at work...And my therapist thinks that I'm better now and when I return to work (as in working for others, not just working for myself) I will be able to make friends at work? She doesn't understand my thought process, that people at work are just people you work with. Why would I turn them into friends or think that they'd care about me? Sorry that these people don't really care about you. :hug:
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2018
    tin-man, Slushie and blackemerald1 like this.
  6. DharmaGirl

    DharmaGirl Crazy Chicken Lady Premium Member Donated

    3,827
    13,840
    5,513
    I was shunned by everyone at work. I heard about myself from others at work. It hurt because I was well-respected, then I was nuts, so I was not seen anymore. Like it's catching. I might have infected the whole emergency dept with my madness.
     
  7. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

    1,434
    3,481
    6,243
    Ah yes - it is awkward isn't it?! These people that we are supposed to believe have our backs in a critical incident...the one's we are supposed to trust...

    It's not like it is on telly believe me....

    I wondered if my former co-workers thought I was contagious too.. interesting point @DharmaGirl - and I wondered also if I represented what could happen to them too? Idk. I heard about myself and what happened to me from others at work too.

    Like why not come up and ask me straight up instead of staring as I walk past? Did I let you all down?

    @Glo809 - strange feeling I know. I wish I knew the answers to this.
     
    tin-man, Slushie, DharmaGirl and 2 others like this.
  8. DharmaGirl

    DharmaGirl Crazy Chicken Lady Premium Member Donated

    3,827
    13,840
    5,513
    Yes, @blackemerald1, I believe that subconsciously they believe that it could happen to them if a well respected member of their community could become mentally ill, a few months after the manager of the mental health dept. killed herself, it could be waiting around the corner for them too. A social worker I worked with on one floor made the comment that the cure for suicidal patients was to let them die. She didn't know I was suicidal at the time. The hospital's Pdoc called a suicidal patient a "pain in the ass" because he was constantly trying. WTF? I understand how some people get compassion fatigue, but it's time for a change if you have no compassion left. Don't take it out on the patients you elected to help. Nurses and doctors take an oath to do no harm, but they both did harm in my eyes.
     
  9. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

    1,434
    3,481
    6,243
    Should be sacked and never to be responsible for the care of other's again...

    Ditto...as well as losing his licence....

    Completely disgraceful comments. I'm shaking my head F*** unbelievable attitude...

    I know everyone gets tired that is understandable particularly in high stress vocations however I agree with you ^^^ If running low on compassion I think that is what holidays, days off, sick leave are for. Failing that.... leave the vocation. Bad attitudes kill people. Let someone in who has compassion to do the job.

    I'm so sorry you had to be any where near these people...
     
  10. Junebug

    Junebug I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

    13,740
    33,778
    26,743
    I think that's the meaning of the saying, 'the thoughts of many shall be laid bear' @DharmaGirl . :( The main thing is you didn't think that way or treat others like that.They should work with numbers. :(

    Take care of yourself @Glo809 :hug::hug::hug:.
     
    tin-man and Slushie like this.
  11. Glo809

    Glo809 Well-Known Member Donated

    291
    573
    243
    Greetings
    Another week done and we all seem to have reached a equilibrium, like I said I work overnights and drive 300 to 500 miles a night.

    But when I come in at the end of my run, I do catch sideways glances, the scar on my arm is obvious but that was a secondary effort.

    I walk around doing my end of trip stuff like nothing happened.
    No questions yet, don't know how to answer them, suggestions.

    G
     
    tin-man, joeylittle and intothelight like this.
  12. joeylittle

    joeylittle ˁ˚ᴥ˚ˀ All howl, no bite Administrator Generous $250+

    11,917
    31,115
    25,983
    I think it depends on how much - if anything - you want to say.

    People asking about the scar, you can chalk it up to anything from a home improvement accident, to saying you got into a knife fight...to saying that you accidentally cut yourself, without details, to full-on explanation.

    I’ve found that practicing what I’m going to say in a stressful situation (of any variety) really helps me get comfortable with the words, and with not saying more or less than I mean to. Practice out loud, it’s different from just thinking what you’d say in your head.
     
    tin-man likes this.
  13. FragileGlass

    FragileGlass Active Member

    186
    516
    133
    @DharmaGirl — I understand that fatigue of working with suicidals frequently, on the security team, I usually get handed patient watch duties which can last entire shifts. One of the heaviest recurring emotions I have is because I did walk down that path losing empathy, sympathy and overall compassion for a patient that became a year long ordeal of nearly 200 visits to the ER. The compassion fatigue for that patient made me not care anymore until they actually connected the dots and succeeded and instantly I spiralled into severe guilt and self deprecation and he is a constant flash back, trigger and source of constant nightmares.

    @Glo809 — where I work in an ER unit - I too was subjected to the ‘plague / evasive’ behaviour because mental health breakdown and PTSD is a hot potato. It sucks to realize that you don’t have connections you thought were there. However, I am really proud of you for getting back in there and trucking through the return. While WE (myPTSD forum) are not close and personal friends. Try to remember that we are all there with you for the long miles as we’ve laid somewhat similar and relatable tire tracks that you have. You’re not alone. Really happy that you reached out to us on the forum :)
     
    tin-man and joeylittle like this.
Loading...
Show Sidebar