WatermelonKiwi
New Here
Hi everyone,
This is my first post, I’ve read through these forums off and on for months now but never posted until now. I’ll try to make this concise.
I need some advice...
My husband was diagnosed with PTSD a little over a year ago, but looking back I’d say it developed 2-3 years ago. He was off work for a while and did some counseling, but’s stopped once he returned to work, as he said it didn’t help him. Unfortunately, the work environment he walked back into was very stressful and dysfunctional (personel issues, management issues, not specifically linked to him but he did get put in the middle a lot). This summer things blew up again in terms of his stress levels with work, it caused 2 of the nastiest fights we have ever had, both resulted in him telling me he couldn’t do this anymore and that he wanted a divorce. I should note the issues that triggered out fights were over minor misunderstandings (but when the PTSD cup is full it doesn’t take much to overflow). We rarely ever fight, so for these fights to go from 0 to 100(suggesting divorce) I was caught off guard to say the least. If I’m being perfectly honest, even though things have been great with us since, even better than before, I am still edgy when I see his frustrations with anything build.
I absolutely hate conflict, and it often causes me to shut down and be unable to fully explain my feelings in the moment (so frustrating).
Anyways, my reason for today’s post, we were having a good day, I brought my hubby lunch out to his station at work, unfortunately he had to go on a call. I dropped it off and went home. He texted a little while later and said they were cancelled, so I offered to pop back out for our visit. They were flying back so I asked when I should head back out, he said 12min, so about 15-16min later I headed out (a couple min shouldn’t have been an issue...) he called just as I was hoping in the car and asked where abouts I was, when I said just leaving now, he gave me a slightly annoyed tone, so I joked I’m only leaving like 5 min later than suggested. While my car was switching over to bluetooth he hung up, I called back... no answer... texted said I was on the way, he replied its fine just stay home. I apologized as I assumed he took my joke wrong ( which he did) and said I’m still coming by, got another text telling me to go home.
This is getting long so ill try to wrap this up, I stopped by the station briefly but he was pretty icy. I left after a few minutes and he texted to stay he was staying late ( he never does), I apologized again for upsetting him with my snarky comment earlier, and he decides he’s going to stay at the station overnight (maybe I’m wrong but this seems like and over reaction). I’m a logical person, and I understand something else must be adding to this situation, but he wont talk to me. He even texted that he isn’t going to bother going for an interview for a new position he’s been really wanting (we both want it - would be such a good change for him and managing his PTSD). I replied back to that text telling him how much I loved him ( as I didn’t many times earlier today) and that he should still do the interview, as he and we need the change, and that I fully support him. The last text he sent just said “ yeah...somethings just aren’t meant to be” I have no idea if he meant the job or us. I waited a bit and replied back with and I love you and left it at that. I’m not willing to fight over text....I’m honestly not sure why were fighting...
I guess I’m not sure how to approach him, as I said I hate conflict, I’m not willing to be a yoyo with threats of him leaving just because he’s mad, I am by no means perfect but I know I am not horrible. Ive tried to be a loving, understanding and supportive wife. During fights I usually end up begging for forgiveness...not because I think I’m totally at fault but because I’m trying to de-escalate the situation. I feel like telling him how I feel when in the heat of it wont help as he likely wont hear what I am saying, but it’s so hard to bring it up after.
He’s an amazing, loving, supportive husband 98% of the time, I don’t want to give up on us, but I just don’t know what to do.
This is my first post, I’ve read through these forums off and on for months now but never posted until now. I’ll try to make this concise.
I need some advice...
My husband was diagnosed with PTSD a little over a year ago, but looking back I’d say it developed 2-3 years ago. He was off work for a while and did some counseling, but’s stopped once he returned to work, as he said it didn’t help him. Unfortunately, the work environment he walked back into was very stressful and dysfunctional (personel issues, management issues, not specifically linked to him but he did get put in the middle a lot). This summer things blew up again in terms of his stress levels with work, it caused 2 of the nastiest fights we have ever had, both resulted in him telling me he couldn’t do this anymore and that he wanted a divorce. I should note the issues that triggered out fights were over minor misunderstandings (but when the PTSD cup is full it doesn’t take much to overflow). We rarely ever fight, so for these fights to go from 0 to 100(suggesting divorce) I was caught off guard to say the least. If I’m being perfectly honest, even though things have been great with us since, even better than before, I am still edgy when I see his frustrations with anything build.
I absolutely hate conflict, and it often causes me to shut down and be unable to fully explain my feelings in the moment (so frustrating).
Anyways, my reason for today’s post, we were having a good day, I brought my hubby lunch out to his station at work, unfortunately he had to go on a call. I dropped it off and went home. He texted a little while later and said they were cancelled, so I offered to pop back out for our visit. They were flying back so I asked when I should head back out, he said 12min, so about 15-16min later I headed out (a couple min shouldn’t have been an issue...) he called just as I was hoping in the car and asked where abouts I was, when I said just leaving now, he gave me a slightly annoyed tone, so I joked I’m only leaving like 5 min later than suggested. While my car was switching over to bluetooth he hung up, I called back... no answer... texted said I was on the way, he replied its fine just stay home. I apologized as I assumed he took my joke wrong ( which he did) and said I’m still coming by, got another text telling me to go home.
This is getting long so ill try to wrap this up, I stopped by the station briefly but he was pretty icy. I left after a few minutes and he texted to stay he was staying late ( he never does), I apologized again for upsetting him with my snarky comment earlier, and he decides he’s going to stay at the station overnight (maybe I’m wrong but this seems like and over reaction). I’m a logical person, and I understand something else must be adding to this situation, but he wont talk to me. He even texted that he isn’t going to bother going for an interview for a new position he’s been really wanting (we both want it - would be such a good change for him and managing his PTSD). I replied back to that text telling him how much I loved him ( as I didn’t many times earlier today) and that he should still do the interview, as he and we need the change, and that I fully support him. The last text he sent just said “ yeah...somethings just aren’t meant to be” I have no idea if he meant the job or us. I waited a bit and replied back with and I love you and left it at that. I’m not willing to fight over text....I’m honestly not sure why were fighting...
I guess I’m not sure how to approach him, as I said I hate conflict, I’m not willing to be a yoyo with threats of him leaving just because he’s mad, I am by no means perfect but I know I am not horrible. Ive tried to be a loving, understanding and supportive wife. During fights I usually end up begging for forgiveness...not because I think I’m totally at fault but because I’m trying to de-escalate the situation. I feel like telling him how I feel when in the heat of it wont help as he likely wont hear what I am saying, but it’s so hard to bring it up after.
He’s an amazing, loving, supportive husband 98% of the time, I don’t want to give up on us, but I just don’t know what to do.