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First world problems

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desiderata310

MyPTSD Pro
Today hasn't been anything big that comes to mind. Just a thousand little things that have drove me to distraction and the PTSD cup full to every loving over-flowing.
But it was that one last little thing that set me off and over and bawling like a baby. Something seriously not worth weeping about or at least, not really; my bike tire has a decent sized gash in it that I found while I was wresting it onto the rim.
A first world problem where I have food, a roof over my head and a way to pay most of my bills. Heck, i have a car and gas in said car (for once) so it's not even a question of transportation. There was nothing today that would be a real trigger- at least not that I was consciously aware of. It was just today's last straw.

I present to you today's first world problem:

A bike tire.
 
I'm in the process of moving. (nearly moved) If I change my address, it's going to change my insurance, because I'm in a different county. I'm going to have 2 options, a company where my T isn't in their network and a company that told him, the last year i was them, they could see they owed him money, but couldn't figure out how to pay him. (Wishing for eye rolling emoticon!) AND, this is probably going to change again the first the year, to some other and complicated system.

It's a "problem" because I'm not sure what the "right" way to handle is & I'm sure whatever i do will be "wrong". Definitely first world because I DO have insurance, and access to a good T (at least right now) and i also not only have a roof over head, it's way better than old place.
 
I'd definitely be upset over a gashed bike tire. Those stupid things are hard as hell to fix and get back on where they belong.

It's not even about the bike tire, though. It's the stress cup overflowing. If it hadn't been the tire, it would have been dropping your pencil, dialing a wrong number, not getting your keys out fast enough ... all of which have made me lose my shit in the past because it was just the Last freaking Straw.
 
A tire is a cost, a time cost and could make you feel your ‘escape’ route is hampered.

But yes, the little things that make me crack are interesting. Sometimes they can represent something bigger not directly related to trauma but ‘emotionally similar’ .

But also, the big stuff it’s BIG . No answers. The floodgates open over that , I don’t know if i’ll Close them again. Having a crack over s ‘first world problem’ is , I think, a clever mind trick, and those ‘fight/ flight’ and f it hormones DO something about something I can fix. Or not really care about. But think I do at the time.

I notice these can be my warning signs to go from ‘over thinking and doing not enough’ to .... er, at least warning my husband I note i’m Getting upset about the small stuff.
 
Here's my first world problem: my windows are being replaced with really nice new ones, which look great, have amazing sound blocking, and theres no more breeze in my house (at least the floor with new windows lol). The old windows are from 1977, and I live in Alaska so that should give you some idea of how nice well insulated windows are here.

Buuuut...

There are strange men in my house sawing and whacking and doing all sorts of stuff. I'm going nuts with anxiety, cant focus on anything, and I feel super unsafe in my own home. I feel constantly on edge. I cant even word this post the way I want to because as I type there is a saw going in the other room. At night I'm anxious over the fact they will be back in the morning.

I feel uncomfortable going near them, being in the same room as them, etc. Yesterday I had to work up a lot of courage to just simply walk upstairs and grab something, because they were up there. Feels like being trapped. Oh also I have to ask them to move some stuff later so I can back my car out. Super anxious about that.

They should be done today or tomorrow. But the shitty side: one of the windows had rot near it, so before it gets installed it has to get fixed, meaning there will be people over again, some time in the near future, to fix that whole area, then that last window will be installed. So it will be another anxiety shitshow lmao.

Even minor little things are setting me off right now. If the cup is full, the cup is full. Doesnt matter what goes in to make it overflow. Dont be embarrassed about a bike tire, think of it as the straw that broke the camel's back. Its tiny, but it all adds up.
 
I’ve got a LIST! :facepalm:

#1. I can’t use a mobile phone or email address. (Seeeeeeerious first world problem. I can’t even describe how near impossible it is to not have a cell, and attempt any kind of normal life. It’s easier to be homeless than to be phoneless).

(Some of) The rest

Hawaii for surf or Colorado for snow? (Same job available in both places.)

Driving without a licence or driving without registration?

Elective surgery A or Elective surgery B? (Both profoundly increasing quality of life, employment prospects, etc.)

White Person Problem.

I’m out of mayonnaise.
 
This is my list which has rendered me useless today.

I opened a large packet of peanut brittle for lunch and am now addicted and cannot stop eating it. This should be making me happy but it's making me mad and ...fat.

I have lots of things to plant in the garden. I did after all, go and buy the f*cking things yesterday when I was feeling motivated. Now I have huge surges of anxiety about where and how to plant them. So I am frozen with anxiety over that.

I cannot get out of my pajamas, do my teeth and stop daydreaming. :rolleyes:
 
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