Death Fist Time In 12 Years I Have Been Able To Grieve.

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I hate her, I hate her for leaving me all alone. I hate her for never having been there for me. For choosing drugs over me. I hate that I never got a chance to see you get clean long enough for us to have any form of a relationship.

Today, exactly 12 years later, the numbness is wearing off. Instead of feeling nothing, I feel anger and hate, but more than anything I feel rejected.

Despite it all, I want so badly to say the words I never got to say to you in life. You would have made fun of me and made me feel stupid if I had, but here it goes. I love you mommy.
I watched your u tube clip you posted and felt you sadness, fadeaway you are an amazing person never forget that. I wish you hadn't had to go through what you went through as there is so much pain especially I think your mum as they are the ones that are meant to be there for you and love you and hold you tight when you just need a hug. Fade any time you need to talk PM me.

Take care on such a hard day

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