• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Flashbacks Bringing Memories From Subconscious. (May Trigger)

Status
Not open for further replies.

Ursa

MyPTSD Pro
Since February I have been bringing to the surface the memories about the sexual abuse I had been through. I knew my father was an ***hole, but this was too much in my head. When I am kind of settling down with some of the stuff and then BUM! another flashback involving other episode with him or not comes.

I am getting really tired of this. Every time it happens it makes me understand better my personal history. On the other hand it makes me really uncomfortable about some people. It is like all my reality is changing. The last one I had involved a childhood friend raping me... This is crazy and I don't know how to stop! I feel crazy. I also feel very alone because this happened some days ago and I could not reach help. Right now I have nobody to talk to and this is really hurting.

I really wish I could stop this. I am very tired and I want to do my things... work, study, take care of my home, etc. but this whole thing is not allowing it to happen. Will I ever get my life back?
 
And thats why this forum is here... to help. I'm glad you reached out for help by posting this thread. I have gone through similar things so I definitely know what you're talking about.

I just got home from a long day/night shift but I just wanted to reply quickly and say hang in there! You aren't alone in this! I will add more later.

I wish you the best!

Manic

x
 
I'm not sure if you have a diary here or not, but you may want to consider starting one, as it can help.

What you are going through, is tough, but hang in there, it does and can get better.
 
Every time it happens it makes me understand better my personal history. On the other hand it makes me really uncomfortable about some people. It is like all my reality is changing.

I understand this...on the one hand, things make more sense, but on the other hand, it's like getting the wind knocked out of you when you just caught your breath.
 
I want to tell you Ursa, the more we work on this the more adept we will become somehow at managing it all. It is difficult, but I just want to say for me it is begining to improve in some ways. I believe I am not the same person I was when I first came to the forum. Change can happen Ursa please know that.

Please remember to be kinder to you and to practise as you go coping techniques, please do this as you go rather than trying to get the drift of them while you are in the worst of it, doing that I believe will help you smoothe some things out a little. The positive coping strategies that you learn and practise will help you to manage better in the long run living with it also. I believe that if you can work these into your life now it will help you to feel more in control. Managing this is not easy but it does beat the alternative -living with it out of control.

There are days when we struggle more than other days and I would like to encourage you to write as much out as you can and take breaks also. Explore not just the trauma but also your emotions surrounding it then and also now. For me it helped slow down the fear and also helped me to examine what it was and also to some how get in touch with what my emotions really are / were. And when you are tired it is ok to rest too. please look somehow at the pressure you are putting on your self to work through, look at other areas of your life also, learning how you can make some things run smoother will give you a greater sense or peace in the chaos that can feel like it arises when we work through all this. One of the important things is to try to relax in some of the things perhaps that make you feel a greater pressure also.

PLease I hope that you can be encouraged Ursa and please know you are not alone here as lonesome as it may feel, you are here-well we are all here to learn to manage PTSD and I really do believe it will get better for all of us, it is that we have to put the work in, but part of that work is also learning to relax.
 
Fin,

I am not the same person either... I try my best to be kind to myself and relax. Just that sometimes it seems impossible.
About coping skills, I allow myself to feel my sadness because this is something I was never allowed, Not even as a young child. I don't go to extremes like hurting myself. I have done in the past but right now I feel that this is more under control and I don't even considerate it.:wink:
I was alone at home for 2 weeks and it was really hard. Looks like things got even more difficult then they already are. My husband is back but although I have somebody to talk to I am still feeling very lonely.
 
My husband read this thread and we ended up having a conversation about this experience in particular... it was so hard and his rage does not help me. It makes me feel guilty for telling him.
I have no idea how I could work today...
 
Ursa..........
Why is your husband raging? I don't get it.........you don't need that!

What you are experiencing is beyond the depths of pain that most people can tolerate........where is his compassion?
ARe you in therapy? Does he know anything about PTSD.

Sorry, but when I heard about 'his' rage I got angry. But I realize I don't know the whole situation.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top