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Flashbacks

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katz

MyPTSD Pro
I couldn't find a chat where there is more discussion about flashbacks - or lack of. Why don't I have them? I read about people remembering and having to deal with all the strong emotions and memories. However, I just know what happened - each time - with each person - in each place. Yet, I don't have the same type of emotional "crashes" (for lack of a better word). And I apparently don't need the medicine(s) that other people need. What's wrong? Is this what I have coming in the future? (these emotional break downs)
Is "not having them" normal too?

I read about how people develop coping skills and create a safe place to go when the memories come thru - yet when mine do come thru or I remember one - I don't break down or need a place to "escape" to.

I have often wondered if I just learned to deal with them "by myself" - since I had no support when I was young and going thru the abuse. I even have wondered if I even deserve the support that I wish I had had when I was young.
 
Are you reliving your trauma in another way? I think this is one of the PTSD criterion, but it doesn’t have to be through flashbacks.
 
IMHO there are different kinds of flashbacks. One, as you described, that takes me back into the moment. An emotional one where the feeling occurs out of context. Could be fear, anxiety, or what happened to me a lot, a blank, freeze response. One I call a decision flashback. I'm not making a decision based on current situational input but based on prior PTSD info. I didn't even recognize the last one. My T pointed it out. Fortunately, I very rarely go back into the moment.
 
Flashbacks are only 1 of 5 possible intrusion symptoms.

I’ve highlighted all 5. But you only need 1.

B. Presence of one (or more) of the following intrusion symptoms associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred:
  1. Recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic event(s) Note: In children older than 6 years, repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the traumatic event(s) are expressed.
  2. Recurrent distressing dreams in which the content and/or affect of the dream are related to the traumatic event(s). Note:In children, there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.
  3. Dissociative reactions (e.g., flashbacks) in which the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic event(s) were recurring. (Such reactions may occur on a continuum, with the most extreme expression being a complete loss of awareness of present surroundings.) Note: In children, trauma-specific reenactment may occur in play.
  4. Intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).
  5. Marked physiological reactions to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event(s).

Most people don’t have every symptom of PTSD. Sure, sometimes symptoms change over time, and someone may develop flashbacks who never had them, before. Or nightmares. Or intrusive thoughts. Or panic attacks. Etc. But it’s not a flow chart where everyone will eventually have every symptom. People vary. Quite a lot.
 
I have flashbacks as portrayed on tv about ptsd in response to only a specific circumstance now. I don’t know when that became confined to that circumstance but theoretically I could avoid that circumstance forever and never have that type of experience.

It wouldn’t ( and hasn’t when I have opted for that strategy) change the rest of my ptsd symptoms.
 
Everyone is different. PTSD is not a cookie cutter disorder. Accepting your own body’s coping mechanisms is the hardest step.
 
I think that I have convinced myself that the reason they are not there, is that they are too terrible to remember. I have learned from readings, therapy, and common sense, that the mind only remembers what it can handle at the time.

I had to be rushed to the hospital 3 times, because I couldn't handle what was going on in real life. I also wonder if I don't remember anymore is that I'm too afraid to be taken back and "locked" in the hospital again.

I had to convince myself - and others too. That all I need to remember is enough to convince myself that it really happened. So I have to go back to those few things that proved to me that my memories were real. Yet, I have no blackouts or tears or ...anything. I'm just going thru the motions of life. I don't know how or if, I should try to move on or remember more. As odd as it sounds, I do want to remember more - only enough for me.

I know that I want to ...feel the pain. (I know that that sounds weird) but when I have managed to cry and mourn for an incident. I felt much better afterwards. Just like grieving for a lost friend or relative. After enough grieving, you can go on with your life, and put it in the past.

Maybe the "others" are too painful to remember??
 
You said your flashbacks are like those on tv.....mine are getting more intense (they seem like what they show on tv). The last one was so intense that my eyes even saw me being back there. My reality was visually switching back and forth between the night, and the present. It was more terrifying then that actual night. At the time, my body was going in and out of shock, so I don’t think I felt the full weight of the fear. For hours after I was fighting to not dissociate, and I eventually was just on the floor while my body was twitching. I finally came out of it, but it was the most terrifying thing I’ve even been through. Is this similar to you? I’m scared my next trigger might be that intense, and I’m not sure how to bring myself out of it.
 
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