Dom Violence Flying Monkeys - People Who Believe The Lies


New Here
The most difficult problem I’m having is dealing with the effects of The Flying Monkeys who cause an upsurge of my trauma. I have cptsd and tons of ongoing therapy. I keep strong boundaries but when hit by a Flying Monkey, I dissolve into despair. How do others deal with it?


Been there, still doing that. This can have such devastating effects on a persons life. I don't have any answers for you. I am very sorry you are going through this.


Dealing with it too. My sister is one, on behalf of my parents. Destabilises me each time.
I try and take a breath and work it through and then respond (or not) from a neutral place.
like last time, a few weeks ago, I turned it round on her. Put the questions back on her, put the reality onto her rather than the made up drama. And that felt a bit better, as I felt I stepped out of the game, without emotion, and responded from a place of reality and emotional regulation.


hello gate. welcome to the forum.

pardon my ignorance, but what are flying monkeys? i googled and ? ? ? is it a term specific to narcissism?
That’s my understanding @arfie . It’s people who the narcissist grooms to do their ‘dirty’ work for them. Essentially manipulating/abusing/harassing the narcissist‘s victim through this other person.
Geez, in my ignorance I didn't understand the question either (except for the term, 'not my circus, not my monkeys'..) I am not familiar with it specifically but I can say I do feel devastation, dysregulation, worry and despair when dragged in to drama or what seems to be using me as a wringer (vs legitimate concern for another's well being).

I had that this weekend, but I got my own feedback today, and also didn't respond. I can only say though nothing is different (technically) I actually 'feel' like I've got about 40 lbs off my chest (literally, and much greater peace). I think there's also some strange component involved when people do that of secrets or manipulation or (???), I'm not quite sure. Anyway, it helps if you have someone you trust, or like here anonymously, where you can just say it 'out loud' and maybe hear a different perspective. Getting the feedback helped put my mind more at ease than it was. I also never thought to acknowledge it's hard on me, until I heard it from someone else. But actually it is very hard on me. (Vs a relative shared bad news about her car she is reliant on, and actually apologized for telling me. Which I said no, of course not, I'm glad she did. (And was, just not glad for the situatuon. But it's a whole different feeling. The other-there is nothing constructive about it.) )

Welcome to you @Gate36 . I hope you are feeling a bit better.
Last edited:


New Here
Thank you so much for your replies. I definitely have complex PTSD and have been working on it for a very long time. When I feel like I’ve got my grounding, unexpectedly someone comes along who has been brainwashed by my ex and catches me Offguard. I’ve had two incidents in the not too far off that sent me into a tailspin of despair. One with an ex sister-in-law who made it very clear she would have nothing to do with me. I’m sure my ex filled her with lies which were very painful. The second was even worse. It was a therapist who for some reason bonded with my ex who had been a therapist who lost his license for abusing his patients. Why she believed his lies is amazing since she herself should know better. But nonetheless, she Shamed Me and told me that she was very close with him and knew what a horrible person I was. I became paralyzed by the experience and could not even respond. I’m thinking of taking action against her for inappropriate behavior and reporting her to the licensing board. I am trying so hard to use my voice that has been stuck. There’s no question that I have complex PTSD and trying to find a good therapist who can work with me effectively. I have been working on this for a very long time. Thank you for your support.
Well @Gate36 that is just terrible, I am so very sorry. 😢😞 But you know what? Not everyone's opinion counts equally. Sounds like thank God you got away from it, most especially. You could report her, but why get dragged backwards. Whatever you do focus on your healing, grounding, growth and peace, and whatever contributes to that.


It’s people who the narcissist grooms to do their ‘dirty’ work for them. Essentially manipulating/abusing/harassing the narcissist‘s victim through this other person.

thank you. it does sound like a highly specialized phrase.
i confess to having stopped listening to "narcissist" talk way back in the last millennium. seems like it is mostly ex talk. every ex's ex seems to suffer narcissism.

'not my circus, not my monkey'.

that one came to my mind, too, but somehow doesn't fit. i use that gem as a detachment mantra.
Yes what's that saying about, ~don't let them stay rent-free in your head, when it's negative? Or this one I love, a quote by Rumi, and it makes me smile even despite myself: "Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions". I think that one always makes me feel better, the part that 'someone out there' would like to see me living in such a better condition. (And of course it's possible, according to him). Feels like an ~invisible ally. (I know, it is silly but it still makes me feel a little less fearful, personally). And Idk if others find it that way, but dealing with negativity or violence or abuse or even insult brings me fear (among other things).