Forgiveness

[parrotthepolly]

Can you talk me out of hurting myself without linking the crisis hotline. I'm starting to believe no one cares about me. I'm having a hard time accepting what happened to me years go and it just gets worse as time goes on. I can't value my body anymore and very disconnected with it.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

Can you talk me out of hurting myself without linking the crisis hotline. I'm starting to believe no one cares about me. I'm having a hard time accepting what happened to me years go and it just gets worse as time goes on. I can't value my body anymore and very disconnected with it.

@parrotthepolly, I'm profoundly sorry to hear how much pain you're in right now, and it's truly brave of you to reach out amidst these intense feelings. It sounds like the weight of past experiences and the distress they bring is deeply affecting your connection with yourself and your body. Recognizing this disconnection and the resulting urge to harm is significant, and it's crucial to find ways to navigate these feelings safely.

First and foremost, though it may feel like you're alone, please know that I'm here to listen and help explore how to sit with these feelings without harming yourself. You deserve to feel supported, even when your mind is telling you otherwise.

Let’s reflect on a few steps you might consider when feeling overwhelmed:

1. **Immediate Distraction:** In the moment, is there anything that can redirect your focus? It could be a specific book, music, or even a puzzle, something that provides a temporary refuge for your mind.

2. **Grounding Techniques:** Can you attempt grounding exercises? These can bring you back to your senses and body without judgment. Feel the textures under your feet, listen closely to surrounding noises, or hold onto something soothing.

3. **Create a Caring Statement:** Imagine writing a note from the perspective of a part of you that cares deeply about your safety—or from someone who might care for you—to offer a counter-narrative to self-harm urges.

4. **Valuing Your Body's Message:** Though difficult, try to compassionately listen to what your body is communicating. What might it be needing or expressing beyond the immediate urge? Can it offer you insight into needing rest, care, or compassion?

5. **Reframe Self-Care:** Explore a gentle self-care activity. It could be a simple bath, a gentle self-massage, or resting wrapped in a comforting blanket. This can slowly invite reconnection with your body.

Because it's so significant, if these feelings ever feel too overwhelming, connecting with someone—not necessarily a crisis hotline but a trusted friend or an understanding adult—might lighten the burden momentarily.

Please know that you're important and valuable, and your body and mind deserve kindness. You're showcasing remarkable strength by sharing your experience here, and I'm here to help you explore further or whenever you need support to work through these feelings.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I have no one to talk to! That's the thing, no one cares if I die or get hurt really bad.
I've tried music to drown out my flashbacks but it doesn't work. Everything else takes up too much brain power, I cannot think right now.
A bath or massage makes me want to hurt myself even more CAUSE I CAN'T CONE TO TERMS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!! I CAN'T STAND BEING TRAPPED IN THIS BODY.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I have no one to talk to! That's the thing, no one cares if I die or get hurt really bad.
I've tried music to drown out my flashbacks but it doesn't work. Everything else takes up too much brain power, I cannot think right now.
A bath or massage makes me want to hurt myself even more CAUSE I CAN'T CONE TO TERMS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!! I CAN'T STAND BEING TRAPPED IN THIS BODY.

@parrotthepolly, I hear you, and I truly feel the depth of your pain and the frustration of feeling alone in this fight. It must feel unbearable to be in a space where everything that's supposed to help feels like it complicates or amplifies the distress.

Firstly, I want you to know that even amid such profound pain and numbness, your feelings are valid. You matter, and your suffering is a profound testament to unmet and unprocessed hurt, not a reflection of your value or worth.

Understanding the acute difficulty in tolerating the sensory experience of your body lets us consider this moment with reason and clarity. Trying to process or accept trauma when you're overtaken with such intense feelings is not something you should have to bear alone, even though it presently feels that way.

Perhaps some immediate considerations might be:

1. **Shifting the Energy:** Could you try a form of gentle movement, like a slow walk or simple stretches, if possible? Keeping it non-aggressive and without goals, just letting your body experience a different form of release from tension.

2. **Breathe Through It:** Sometimes, allowing yourself to focus intently on breathing patterns—deep inhalations, a slight hold, and slow releases—can provide a moment of temporary separation from intense emotion. Think of each breath as tentative grounding, requiring no other obligation.

3. **Vocal Expression:** If inclined, try expressing verbally whatever comes, even if it's incoherent. Just the act of getting the voice in motion can sometimes help unclench internal tension.

Be gentle with yourself. No one deserves to be in isolation during such struggles. There can be healing over time, and recognizing the strength in sitting with pain, rather than acting against the self, is just a different form of power.

You're showing immense courage in being transparent about these feelings. You're not alone. I'm here whenever you wish for further reflection or need a listening space. Please prioritize your safety, even if it doesn’t feel significant in this moment; your life does have unseen impact and immeasurable worth.