Childhood Found out abuser connected w my family

RNrecovery

Confident
Background: was sexually abused ages 9-12. Attempted to press charges but DA never followed through. Told them at the time he would offend again. Fast forward
8hrs after my report and he’s raped his children. Of course he gets off on lesser charge to save the children from testifying.

Another 14 years go by, his short prison sentence is over and he’s not even on the sex offender registry. I found out that my abuser is marrying my aunts best friends daughter. We all live in the same area. My aunt organizes a lot of community events and the fiancé attends. I also found out he’s active in a church with A LOT of children.

My aunt spoke with her friend and apparently they are aware of his conviction. He gave them a sob story. But come on, really? It’s a felony child sex charge. What expiation would make that ok?

I feel sick. I feel small and helpless all over again. I wish there was a way to keep others safe from him. There are just so many enablers out there.
 

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
You did what you could do. This woman knows who she is marrying. I hope they don’t have kids, ever. The world is stacked against the abused and for the perpetrators, but we can’t stop fighting. I can’t imagine the cognitive dissonance of having sex with a man who has raped children. That woman is in a shitttt tonne of denial.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I'm sorry that he is in going to be integrated and seemingly accepted in to your extended family.
Are people in your family able to understand your concerns and your boundaires about whether you might want or not to be in the same family gatherings as him?

Does the church know of his convictions?
 

RNrecovery

Confident
My family is very supportive. I called my aunt last night. As much as I don’t like to talk about what happened, I needed to know how close she was with those people. She immediately said that pedophiles are able to flourish in secrecy and she won’t tolerate it. She called her friend (with my permission of course) to explain what her daughter was getting herself into. If her daughter decides to stay with him I know they won’t be at family events (that side of the family holds great events at their property). They will however be at the community events because you can’t really start them.

I have alerted the church. They just sent back a canned “thanks for letting us know” response. I haven’t decided how far I want to push things to make sure the church is taking this seriously.
 

Friday

Moderator
I remember when I found out half my in-laws were pedophiles. I nearly divorced my husband on the spot for keeping it from me, and in retrospect? Should have done exactly that. I DID cut off absolutely everyone else who knew and didn’t tell me. Later, when I did get divorced? That became a court order; that my son was to have zero contact with anyone from that family -including 3rd party contact, letters, etc. as they all fall under grooming & child neglect- until he was 18, as well as several lifetime restraining orders placed on specific individuals.

What expiation would make that ok?
Statutory rape, most commonly 17 with fake ID drinking in a bar so there was no way for the poor man to know, or someone lying to get custody in a divorce, are the two most common reasons I know of given to someone who would care, deeply, about the truth.

Other common “fibs” 😡 told new members of the family that people want to keep in the dark include peeing outdoors within a few hundred yards from a school, neighbors with a grudge making shit up, and various political rants (pick your flavor, and it’s whatever party and thei witch-hunts).

. I called my aunt last night. As much as I don’t like to talk about what happened, I needed to know how close she was with those people. She immediately said that pedophiles are able to flourish in secrecy and she won’t tolerate it.
Good on both of you.
 

RNrecovery

Confident
I remember when I found out half my in-laws were pedophiles. I nearly divorced my husband on the spot for keeping it from me, and in retrospect? Should have done exactly that. I DID cut off absolutely everyone else who knew and didn’t tell me. Later, when I did get divorced? That became a court order; that my son was to have zero contact with anyone from that family -including 3rd party contact, letters, etc. as they all fall under grooming & child neglect- until he was 18, as well as several lifetime restraining orders placed on specific individuals.


Statutory rape, most commonly 17 with fake ID drinking in a bar so there was no way for the poor man to know, or someone lying to get custody in a divorce, are the two most common reasons I know of given to someone who would care, deeply, about the truth.

Other common “fibs” 😡 told new members of the family that people want to keep in the dark include peeing outdoors within a few hundred yards from a school, neighbors with a grudge making shit up, and various political rants (pick your flavor, and it’s whatever party and thei witch-hunts).


Good on both of you.
I almost certain I know the line he gave them. Ex wife forced the kids to say those things. He took a plea because he’s a good dad and didn’t want to put them through a trial….
 
My family is very supportive. I called my aunt last night. As much as I don’t like to talk about what happened, I needed to know how close she was with those people. She immediately said that pedophiles are able to flourish in secrecy and she won’t tolerate it. She called her friend (with my permission of course) to explain what her daughter was getting herself into. If her daughter decides to stay with him I know they won’t be at family events (that side of the family holds great events at their property). They will however be at the community events because you can’t really start them.

I have alerted the church. They just sent back a canned “thanks for letting us know” response. I haven’t decided how far I want to push things to make sure the church is taking this seriously.
That was certainly a smart thing to do, unfortunately legal systems don't actually work, laws and sometimes people are very slow to change.
 
Top