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Four years later and its more difficult? (sexual assault)

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by claudiakay, Jun 10, 2018.

  1. claudiakay

    claudiakay New Member

    Hey everyone. I'm new here and need some help/advice. I apologize in advance if this is all over the place--for I am emotionally, all over the place.

    So to cut to the chase, I was sexually assaulted when I was 18 by someone I knew. And after that happened, I remembered an incident where I was molested where I was six on the playground. Naturally, I fell into a deep, deep depression to where I was experiencing suicidal temptations regularly. I no longer feel these urges since time, emotional growth, and unpacking of the incidents has happened.

    As of right now, I am in a relationship with someone who is incredibly special and lovely in every way possible. And I want to stay with him, but sex/affectionate is so incredibly variant and challenging. Sometimes it feels really connected and fine, other times I feel so out of it. In a lot of instances, I fall into this trance where I can't feel my body and I just want nothing to do with him. I Know that I love him, but in these moments all I can feel is disgust for my partner. It takes a few days to cycle out of the funk and I'm fine, but I'm often scared and feel uncomfortable to have sexual relations with this person. It makes me feel like I don't really love this person or find him attractive--when I actually do. Very much so.

    It just really confuses me because I don't think I have ever experienced PTSD before or anything..I've just feel insecure ever since the incident when I was 18. But what confuses me even more was that I was in a different relationship before my current bf. Except in that relationshiip, I just craved sex. All I wanted was sex from my partner. I would engage in intercourse as much as 3 times a day if I could get it. That was my first relationship after the assault. That relationship ended because there was severe emotional abuse & we were just two completely different people.

    All in all, I am so confused and frustrated by my relationship with sex. Is it normal to experience hyper-sexuality and then complete avoidance? Will this ever go away? It has been nearly four years from the incident and I feel like my symptoms have only gotten worse :( thanks for reading xxx
    Sweetleaf and Abstract like this.
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  3. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    Can you seek out therapy to work through your struggles?

    It’s normal to have sexual struggles after being molested or assaulted. There is no time limit on how long you can struggle.

    I think therapy is your best bet. These issues don’t just go away on their own. It takes hard work to get past them.
    Chitoshi and Sweetleaf like this.
  4. Sweetleaf

    Sweetleaf Well-Known Member

    I think it's natural, to have other cobweb-riddled "incidents" emerge from your memory banks, after being sexually assaulted, and getting a chance to start trying to process all that shit. I had memories of the sexual abuse from my father resurface, after I started trying to address my sexual assault trauma in EMDR sessions.
    Not everybody reacts the same, but, both hyper-sexuality and complete avoidance of sex are totally normal, and totally common, after sexual assault.

    I have been firmly in the "complete avoidance of sex" camp, myself - but many others have been in the hyper-sexuality camp, or both camps, or have other reactions. Everyone is individual - but what you're experiencing is nothing weird, nothing wrong - it's natural to be having those kinds of reactions.

    Have you ever seen anyone about what happened? A therapist, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a counselor, etc? Have you had any kind of treatment for it, or have you just been handling this all on your own?

    It definitely can go away - my own pdoc was reassuring me on Friday, that all my touch issues, intimacy issues, etc. are all things that can go away, I just need to work on them. If you're not in treatment of any kind, it would be wise for you to see a therapist, counselor, or someone about it - preferably someone trauma-specialized.

    You might not have PTSD at all - but, you're clearly having some problems with what happened, especially considering you feel like you're just getting worse over time. Definitely something you should do something about, no mater what it is you have going on. Trauma can make people react in all sorts of ways - getting treatment will help you figure out how it's affecting you, and what you should do about it to make your problems go away, or be reduced to a tolerable level. PTSD or not. Doesn't really matter - you could use some help and support.
  5. claudiakay

    claudiakay New Member

    thank you both for responding. It means a lot!
    I am in therapy for a couple of different reasons & I've brought up my assault past and wanted to work through things but nothing has really sunk in. I'm not sure if the type of therapy for my trauma issues is the right type for me because I don't feel like its really getting to the nitty gritty/i don't feel much different. I do like the therapist I have though. The climate of our sessions feel very safe and respectful. I know instances like this won't go away completely, but symptoms can be understood and managed. Its just frustrating because the coping mechanism, emotional and mental reframing, and various other strategies I've been suggested to try haven't worked. I'm about to go into group therapy for sexual assault victims, so I'm hoping that will be a good supportive atmosphere, but I'm still having issues on making good progress in my individual time.
    EveHarrington and Sweetleaf like this.
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