Frequent Masturbation...Is it okay?

I feel like masturbating often, it feels relieving but it's tiring also now. Sort of like reminds me of my own loneliness. I have never had sex and I crave for intimacy deeply. Porn seems just bleh now. I have tried watching more of ethical porn and it is honestly the same.

Nothing compares, being with a human. I have sexted a few times and it feels the best. When someone wants you too, as much as you want them.
Any tips what I can do...?
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Any tips what I can do...?
Not sure what you're asking, here.

Request masturbation isn't inherently problematic. Like most behaviors, it's just a choice to do it, or not do it.

When it becomes something that interferes with your ability to make other choices in your day-to-day? Then, it's a problem. If you're consistently late for work because of masturbation; or, if you are losing sensitivity to the point of damaging yourself; or, finding that you are compelled to do it even when you don't really want to....almost anything done to excess can become problematic.

When you say that you're talking about
The general need for intimacy.
Do you think of masturbation as a poor substitute for partner sex? And, are you equating partner sex with intimacy? I think those aren't necessarily the same thing, and I also don't think that masturbation is limited to being a substitute for anything - though I do understand how it can seem like it is. You can learn and experience levels of intimacy with yourself. It's not the same as intimacy with another person, but it's also not lesser-than.
 
Not sure what you're asking, here.

Request masturbation isn't inherently problematic. Like most behaviors, it's just a choice to do it, or not do it.

When it becomes something that interferes with your ability to make other choices in your day-to-day? Then, it's a problem. If you're consistently late for work because of masturbation; or, if you are losing sensitivity to the point of damaging yourself; or, finding that you are compelled to do it even when you don't really want to....almost anything done to excess can become problematic.

When you say that you're talking about

Do you think of masturbation as a poor substitute for partner sex? And, are you equating partner sex with intimacy? I think those aren't necessarily the same thing, and I also don't think that masturbation is limited to being a substitute for anything - though I do understand how it can seem like it is. You can learn and experience levels of intimacy with yourself. It's not the same as intimacy with another person, but it's also not lesser-than.

Thank you for sharing! <3
No, it's not affecting my daily life per say but it has become more of a stress relief tool and I feel guilty for using it.
Unfortunately, I have made this mental hierarchy that partner sex is better than masturbation and I will never get it. It makes me feel awful.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
my early training in child prostitution and child pornography give me a ? ? ? clinical? ? ? jaded? ? ? business-like? ? ? view on this culturally sensitive subject. within those hideously tangled psycho snot knots, i still struggle with connecting the concepts of intimacy, love, etc., with my "private parts."

shall I continue? ? ?

for what it's worth
for me, plying self care to my "private parts" ranks right up there with eating a healthy diet and exercising.
 
my early training in child prostitution and child pornography give me a ? ? ? clinical? ? ? jaded? ? ? business-like? ? ? view on this culturally sensitive subject. within those hideously tangled psycho snot knots, i still struggle with connecting the concepts of intimacy, love, etc., with my "private parts."

shall I continue? ? ?

for what it's worth
for me, plying self care to my "private parts" ranks right up there with eating a healthy diet and exercising.
i completely hear you. i too struggle with connecting with my body intimately.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i too struggle with connecting with my body intimately.

i believe i am okay being intimate with my body. personally, i consider washing my face and brushing my teeth to be far more intimate than jacking off and far, far more intimate than prime time porno.

i'm even more okay being intimate at all levels with the love of my life, but even after 41 years together, love, intimacy, body, mind and soul are for than just the big s (sex).
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
I feel guilty for using it
Why? It IS a stress relieving tool! It's actually in my DBT workbook, as is sex in general, as both to relieve stress and to distract from negative emotions. It also releases hormones that switch your mindset into "feeling good".

For me, sex with another person is super unhealthy. My therapist was highly concerned because of the way I use sex and replay out my trauma. SUPER unhealthy! So, we use masturbation in the place of that, for now anyway. Obviously not forever but he has said that the sexual trauma will likely be the last one healed for me because it was that traumatic and I totally agree. There's a ton of moving parts there as I also have a prostitue sexual alter that surfaces and there is just so much in there that it will take a long time to work through that.

But, with all that said, I think JL hit it on the head. If it's not effecting day to day, and isn't unhealthy in the sense of hurting yourself or replaying out trauma or whatever, let yourself have that tool to use. I see zero wrong with porn as well. Neither does my therapist.

Maybe the better talking points or what I'd like to know is why you feel guilty about it. Maybe there is a way to hit it from the side and dig a bit deeper into that. If you'd like to that is.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
for what it's worth
for me, plying self care to my "private parts" ranks right up there with eating a healthy diet and exercising.
I think this is a brilliant way to think about it. Strikes a strong chord for me. Both in how I feel better when I do those things, and also in how I often neglect those things.
Unfortunately, I have made this mental hierarchy that partner sex is better than masturbation and I will never get it.
I do understand. You might not believe this - but this is the sort of belief that you can work on changing. It's not the sort of thing that will happen all at once, like you'll just change completely overnight. But deliberately re-directing your thoughts away from that hierarchy, and towards some way of thinking that lets masturbation be it's own experience - it really is possible to change how we think. But it's a slow process. I really am sorry for what you're struggling with, it's a very lonely feeling.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
It is also a coping mechanism for people who were traumatized in childhood. The chemical cocktail released post orgasm is powerful and relaxing for those with anxiety. It's the way they "self soothe" so to speak. When it's bad is when it becomes an obsession and takes over parts of your life and it takes up a disproportionate amount of time.

It is not the same as partner sex nor is the objective the same. Intimacy is what happens before and after sex. During is the drive to satisfy your partner and make them feel good.

To get to the point of intimacy you need a relationship and to not worry about the rest for a while. Quit putting pressure on yourself about wanting it to happen. Have fun, be you, be honest, and when you meet the right person things will happen.
 
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