Friends With PTSD

[Simpleman33]

How to approach, deal with, resolve issues with friends with PTSD?

I got mad at my friend last night because he was being a jerk. He also has PTSD from military service and he deals with his whatever way he wants to.

I did not do anything for the holiday except for work and sit at my house. I am not mad at that, becauses thats what I wanted. I am mad how he acted when I did go out to a friends house. See, he is mad at these mutual friends because he thinks they dont put forth enough effort to want to hang out with him. So they invited US to come over and watch the OSU/OU game. Well I had been in the house long enough and needed to get out. He said he did not want to go and he went to lay down and take a nap, I left. 2 hours later he sends me a text message asking me what I was doing. So I told him where I was and he said "Guess I'll go back to sleep".

Was I suppose to sit around at home until he woke up and felt like doing something?

So I get home around midnight, after a FUN time of watching football and playing Mario Karts. He doesn't say a word to me and leaves to go to the bar.

So frustrating because he thinks no one wants to be his friend but he is such an ass sometimes! :wall:

How do I get him to stop pushing people away, he percieves everyones actions towards him as negative or hostile.

I am different than him in the aspect of friends. He makes friends and goes through cycles of this with them. I just don't make friends because I don't care to. Somehow I end up friends with his friends and defending him for being rude to them.

 

[midi]

You can't control your friend or make him better. All you can do is think about your own reaction. While it is very difficult and frustrating, try to avoid taking it personal. I hope things work out.

 

[Claire]

You can talk to your friend and explain how his actions made you feel. A friendship takes two. You dont have to take everything he throws at you. You can challenge him. Just best not to be aggressive about it but explain it to him. He might not even be aware of how he's behaving.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I know exactly how you feel.....Been there done that. I too had a friend with PTSD, ( I have it too) He would complain if you tried to help him, and then complained if you didn't. It was one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't things.......

I eventually had to end the friendship due to his negative, hostile attitude. It didn't mean that I cared any less for him, just that I cared a bit more about me and my mental health....

So try not to take it personal, but also DON'T take any of his crap either. He is responsible for his behavior, he owns it, not you.......If he won't join in, then he loses........

 

[Simpleman33]

Midi - true that I can not control his actions. My reaction may have been more aggressive than it should have been. But that is because I do not express myself when he does stuff like this and it just becomes pent up anger.

Claire - I have tried to talk to him about stuff before but it does not work out to well. I have problems challenging people in general because I wish to avoid conflict because I can not control my anger. Some things I should work on.

She Cat - If I can not figure out a way to express myself, or I do and he just does not get it than I may be forced to make a difficult choice. He is my best friend, roommate and the brother of my other roommate. It's just starting to make going home less appealing but I do not have anywhere else to go.

Thank you all for your imput to my post, it is greatly apprciated. :Hug_emoticon:

 

[Claire]

This might sound a bit strange but have you thought about writing a letter to him? You dont have to send it but writing out what you'd like to say might make it easier. You can work things out better without being caught up in the heat of the moment. Then if you think you could talk to him about it and even suggest he take a look at it on his own. People respond differently if its written down. I dont mean in an email either, I mean the old fashioned way. If you write it telling him how his actions appear to you and how that makes you feel it might be less challenging but still get him thinking.

 

[Simpleman33]

Thank you Claire! What an excellent idea, I am better at writing my thoughts than orginizing them in a heated conversation. I think this approach will help my points get across without my non-verbal communication getting in the way. :smile:

 

[Tsalagi]

I think you have already done what you can. He might benefit from counseling, maybe cognitive behavorial therapy so his behavior is deterimental.