Quarantine Queen
Learning
I’ve taken a leave due to my mental health. Haven’t been on here for years. Was basically happy, healthy and very high functioning for yrs. I did alot of work with a great trauma therapist and was able to live free of ptsd.
Started a new job in October with higher pay and closer to home. I am very good at my job with great evals. Working on a specialization degree presently as well. I was managing everything and enjoying it all. Then this pandemic happened and I spiraled down a well of ptsd.
I went from a green zone to a red zone within a few weeks. I was afraid for my own health due to lack of good PPE practices and because I have a chronic health condition that places me at high risk. I was also involved with the community in the first few weeks and got overwhelmed. I over related to other people’s fears and concerns tackling their issues instead of taking time to breath. I was actively admitting pts with the virus and I had a break down one night at work. I work nights. It didn’t effect any pt care, I messaged my boss and I went home early.
I started feeling like I was better off dying. I had a plan though I am not sure I could ever act on it. I have not been suicidal since high school. 44 now. I gave my husband my wishes if I was hospitalized for coronavirus without a word from him just a confirmation email. I’m on my own here.
I am getting help. My therapist for many years moved away so I had to start fresh. This new one has a trauma specialization too.
My job knows I am having mental health issues but they do not know that I was suicidal or that I have cptsd. I have used all of my sick time and since I have only been there 6-7 months I am not eligible for FMLA.
Recently they started pressuring me for a return date. I honestly can’t say. I can’t even talk to them out of fear. I avoid their calls and email or text the next day. During my last call with my boss it was obvious there was frustration. I know my mental health is more important than any job but I don’t want to lose my job. What protections do I have if any? What is my best course of action? Should I tell them more about my situation and diagnosis?
I’m spending a lot of time worrying about all of this job stuff. Lots of shame about not being able to work. I’m trying to be kind to myself and take care of myself. Going for walks and such. As soon as they start communicating with me (weekly) my anxiety is through the roof. Today I got an email from them stating they “need a return date ASAP” on text too. I just sent them an email Tuesday saying I knew I wasn’t ready. I can afford to live for awhile without income if needed. I have a per diem gig at a prior job. I can get other jobs. I don’t know what to do. My therapist says I’m not ready. That there is lots of preparing needed to return. I’ve been in bed since my therapy appt and work communications this morning crying.
Started a new job in October with higher pay and closer to home. I am very good at my job with great evals. Working on a specialization degree presently as well. I was managing everything and enjoying it all. Then this pandemic happened and I spiraled down a well of ptsd.
I went from a green zone to a red zone within a few weeks. I was afraid for my own health due to lack of good PPE practices and because I have a chronic health condition that places me at high risk. I was also involved with the community in the first few weeks and got overwhelmed. I over related to other people’s fears and concerns tackling their issues instead of taking time to breath. I was actively admitting pts with the virus and I had a break down one night at work. I work nights. It didn’t effect any pt care, I messaged my boss and I went home early.
I started feeling like I was better off dying. I had a plan though I am not sure I could ever act on it. I have not been suicidal since high school. 44 now. I gave my husband my wishes if I was hospitalized for coronavirus without a word from him just a confirmation email. I’m on my own here.
I am getting help. My therapist for many years moved away so I had to start fresh. This new one has a trauma specialization too.
My job knows I am having mental health issues but they do not know that I was suicidal or that I have cptsd. I have used all of my sick time and since I have only been there 6-7 months I am not eligible for FMLA.
Recently they started pressuring me for a return date. I honestly can’t say. I can’t even talk to them out of fear. I avoid their calls and email or text the next day. During my last call with my boss it was obvious there was frustration. I know my mental health is more important than any job but I don’t want to lose my job. What protections do I have if any? What is my best course of action? Should I tell them more about my situation and diagnosis?
I’m spending a lot of time worrying about all of this job stuff. Lots of shame about not being able to work. I’m trying to be kind to myself and take care of myself. Going for walks and such. As soon as they start communicating with me (weekly) my anxiety is through the roof. Today I got an email from them stating they “need a return date ASAP” on text too. I just sent them an email Tuesday saying I knew I wasn’t ready. I can afford to live for awhile without income if needed. I have a per diem gig at a prior job. I can get other jobs. I don’t know what to do. My therapist says I’m not ready. That there is lots of preparing needed to return. I’ve been in bed since my therapy appt and work communications this morning crying.