Frustrated with new job

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Mostly here to vent. I am really struggling right now. I've lost interest in everything and just really want this life to be over.

I got a new job in August, which I was very happy about. After no employment for a year and a half, it felt good to get this job doing something I knew I could do. The pay was much better than the last job, and it is with a very well-known, global corporation.

This company treats its employees very well. Everybody is important, everybody is listened to, everyone is considered an expert at what they do. We started out at 2 days a week onsite and the rest remote, because of COVID. There is both a mask and vaccination requirement to be onsite. They are super strict about who can enter the building. This week we went to being onsite 3 days a week.

It takes me 1 1/2 hours to get to work, the same to come home. Sometimes 2 hours. Normally, it wouldn't take that long, but the primary bridge over the river is down to two lanes (and will be for a while). When I get to work, I don't sit in the same room with my department, every single meeting we have is online (at our desks), and even my training is online. I never see my manager; we chat online or sometimes have video calls (without the camera). There's nothing I do at work I can't do at home. In fact, it's quieter at home, so easier to get stuff done.

And it's way less stressful. At my last job I had daily headaches. They stopped after I quit and was at home all the time. They are back. Along with sciatica and some other pain issues. I'm gone almost 12 hours a day, today from dark to dark, don't have enough light to walk after I get home, am away from my cats, have to get up at 6am - and I have always been a night owl - and have lost interest in everything. I want to drop my courses, don't want to volunteer anymore, don't care to write, etc...If I could go to bed when I got home and sleep through till morning I would. I don't want to be awake; I don't want to be alive anymore.

I feel so bad. The remote vs onsite issue is a problem for more than just me, but it is killing me.

I can't quit (although I am afraid I may just up and leave one of these days; I'm crying all the way in, most of the day, and at night before I go to bed).They have a flex program I could apply for, but I've only been there two months, and I don't want to ask for special favors so soon. I'm terrified of the winter, though, because it will double the travel time.

Every waking moment has become a heavy burden.

Really just here to vent. I'm so sad and I feel like I have nowhere else to go.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
It seems so pointless for you to go in if everything is done online anyways. That must be beyond frustrating. I wouldn’t worry about the two months in asking for the flex program. They can always say no, but might say yes. The program wouldn’t exist unless it had some value to the company.
 

grit

MyPTSD Pro
I totally get your frustration about in office vs online....I remember same thing for my job and asking for online before covid and being looked at if I have turned into an alien...what is work from home? nooo we do not do that! Then god, the universe, or the unicorn sent covid and all of sudden it was like yeah - work from home✌️🙌🙏🎇🎆...I laugh at their stupidity...so I get you!

but, not a bad but but just as transition to my next paragraph, this quote sums up some of your own barrier
They have a flex program I could apply for, but I've only been there two months, and I don't want to ask for special favors so soon. I'm terrified of the winter, though, because it will double the travel time.

You are making an assumption here without a merit. Ask them. Even explain to your manager naturally about the bridge or that you work so much better at home! If you can do your job at home, and now WFH is so much in our vernacular and no one will ask you to explain - they may say yes!

I think if you love what you, the organization as you said is good, then it appears, the barriers are your own fears from the past. Two months is just about the time you need to learn what the org can offer and now you know! It is not a matter of soon or later...it is a matter of intelligence to know what is offered and take advantage of! If people do not use these programs, they are taken off next budget discussion!

I hope you ask them and at least get an answer so then you can make a much more informed decision.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks, everyone!

Yes, I think I need to ask, but there is definitely a lot of fear. Most is based on stuff from the past, but I do worry that if I apply for flextime, they will think I don't want the job at all if I can't get it (and they actually wouldn't be wrong, but I can't afford to just quit). That's probably all wrapped up in the past, too, since every single job I've had has resulted in something bad.

But thanks. I need to really think about this!
 

Friday

Moderator
This company treats its employees very well. Everybody is important, everybody is listened to, everyone is considered an expert at what they do. We started out at 2 days a week onsite and the rest remote, because of COVID. There is both a mask and vaccination requirement to be onsite. They are super strict about who can enter the building. This week we went to being onsite 3 days a week
From what you say it sounds like getting people back on site is a priority to them… to HELP people work better. Framing it that your particular position doesn’t need to be onsite, at least not yet, as all the people you interact with is remote instead of onsite? Frees them up to get teams up and running who need to be onsite. The risk, there, is falling through the cracks as teams are more face to face… but the people who’ve called you in for 3 days instead of 1 or 2? Probably just don’t KNOW you have no face to face time with your people.

Approaching it as getting what you want, by doing them a favor? Usually works better than my way or f*ck off, ya know? <grin> Also helps that it’s true.

Worst case scenario… you get moved to be WITH your team, instead of in a “where do we have space?” Part of the building. Best case scenario you get to work remotely. Win/win.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
From what you say it sounds like getting people back on site is a priority to them… to HELP people work better.
That's the idea, but...

Probably just don’t KNOW you have no face to face time with your people.
I found out this week that they actually do know, and they don't care. I think the whole thing has nothing to do with our ability to communicate and collaborate with each other, but rather financial. There have been murmurings about the city losing a lot of tax revenue since the company has been remote, and the campus is massive. My office alone is about the size of a football field (with only a handful of people working there).

I also checked out the flex policy, and I don't qualify to even fill out the application.

My T is recommending disability, and although I have both the physical and psychological qualifications for that, I have been way too loyal and productive for that. I'm keeping it in the back of my mind, but I don't think I can manage - right now, anyway - all the stress of that.

Of course, working - even just 3 days a week - onsite may be worse. I don't know.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I’m guessing that moving closer to work is out of the question.
Yeah. I would never move closer to a job I don't know I'll have for awhile (I'm a contractor, and this company has a culture of an intended and large turnover after a few years). But I couldn't afford to do it, anyway.
 

Friday

Moderator
I found out this week that they actually do know, and they don't care. I think the whole thing has nothing to do with our ability to communicate and collaborate with each other, but rather financial.
Ah so. Standard corporate doublespeak BS, then.
Yeah. I would never move closer to a job I don't know I'll have for awhile (I'm a contractor, and this company has a culture of an intended and large turnover after a few years)
Do they have hotel benefits? I used a lot of my exHusbands “relocation services” to book hotels for pennies on the dollar, whilst remodelling, or grumpy with my husband. It was part of every employees hiring package, just rarely used. Most of his jobs had a 90day max per year, after that hotels needed to be expensed IE work related, or part of contract negotiation. I caught wise from one of his colleagues who stayed in a hotel M-F and flew home for the weekend with the kids… and used the benefit to the max ever after.
 
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