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Frustration and Impatience - Keep Going, Change Direction, Up, Down...

Discussion in 'Dysregulation' started by Marlene, Dec 3, 2006.

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  1. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    I'm feeling a lot of frustration and impatience in just about everything lately. I hear people that support me tell me how much progress I've made and the only progress I can see is that the meds the doctor put me on keep me crying all the time and from feeling like I'm coming out of my skin. Other than that I feel like I'm standing still.

    I feel like screaming 'HOW MUCH MORE? HOW MUCH LONGER? WHEN DOES IT JUST STOP?' Part of me wants to say to hell with it, I'll just take my life back (since no one will give it back), flush the pills down the toilet, cancel my appointments with my therapist and just say ENOUGH...I'm done.

    I know patience has never been my strong suit. And control issues are at play since I feel like my life is out of my control and I'm on the sidelines watching it rather than directing it. I'm tired of turning circles and going nowhere.

    Does it ever F*CKING get better??????????

    I'm just so tired.
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Try to rest Marlene. Your progress is you are getting your story out of you and it is going to be normal to hurt, try to take a small break and see if it helps.

    And yes, it does get better. And it is normal to want to flush pills, cancel appointments and all the like, just don't act on it!
  4. beatle_bailey

    beatle_bailey Active Member

    Beatle Bailey

    :smile: Wow I know that feeling Marline ,,

    I wish I could tell you when it will get better ,, but I can only tell you what happen to me ,, that might not be to helpful tho so what i will say is this ,,
    I shared my story with school kid , woman in transistion , Troubled kid or kids in the system , convicts , peiple in AA over and over and over again ,, It did get draing every time I did it , but most of the time , almost every time , I would get a responce that would be rewording , and I got it off my chest ,, I went ot one prison every month for 3yrs , and one day 12 con got to go to an AA meeting I was at ,, every one of them came up and surrounded me , they all shock my hand or patted me on the back and hey Phil good to see ya , how are you and your kid , are you healthy , thanks for what you did for us ,,, I didn't see them do that to any one else in the hall , and there were plenty others that went to jail with AA in the hall ,,, I talk for the heart and speak the truth ,,, it will get bettter one day if you keep doing what you are doing ,, if you hang on and keep moving forward ,, but no one can say when,,
    One day I screamed up at god ,, { could you PLEASE LIGHTEN UP JUST A LITTLE F*CKIN BIT } , I woke up the next day and felt a lot better ,,, I told you how yesturday was ruff ,, and I yelled at a guy it never goes away , he shared his stuff and I calmed down ,, you see he understoud the same paim ,, I had a better day after that ,,
    some times I feel the same about life , ,, somtimes it just sucks ,, but for one reason or another I go on ,,, O never took the meds for the head and at differant times some thought it highly recomended I be on somthin ,,, but that is the way I thought I had to do it ,,, that is not what I think you should do ,, I'm not a Doc and I don't know ,, You will find a life again , there is an end to every begining ,, there is light at the end of the tunnel , even if you can't see it YET
    so yes it gets better , just not when you want it ,, I happens when it happens and not one minute sooner ,,,

    I pray it will come sooner for you than me ,, :smile:
  5. Terry

    Terry Well-Known Member

    Sorry your feeling this way. I go thru that every few weeks. I have screamed make it stop at the top of my lungs. I did that for too long. 10 years after I said F***it I thought I was OK and here I am now. Starting EMDR and weekly sessions AGAIN. Try to stay with it. "We got your back".
  6. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    oh, marlene, been there. yes, it will get better, then worse again, then even better, and so on. i thought i would be back to normal within a couple months, no one bothered to tell me that it was going to take so long, just to get halfway normal. hang in there. have you learned any techniques for calming? breathing, music, tapes, exercise? try them, they help at least for a little while.
  7. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

    don't know what to say so in absence of words*hugs**hugs**hugs*
    if ones good three's REALY good...well maybee.
    permban0077 likes this.
  8. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Ranger the hug hugs post is sometimes all we need! So simple and meaningful... Sometime we don't want to hear a thing, a hug ever if cyber does it all. IMO Great resonse
  9. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Thanks for the responses, guys. I'm sitting here :crybaby: *rolling eyes* I just love being a basket case. LOL

    I don't know if I've hit a bad patch in the road or what. I don't know if I'm pushing myself too hard because I just want 'this' over. Ya know? I just know that the frustrations make me want to scream and yell and that in turn makes me go inside myself. I don't know if any of this make any sense.

    I swear I'm going to form a PTSD union and one of the union rules is going to be mandatory breaks from dealing with this shit!!!! :tongue:

    I've learned and have done all of these, but for the last month everything in my normal schedule has been screwed up and I've missed some of my yoga and exercise classes. Maybe that's why I'm so edgy...extra stress and no relief valve.

    My hubby is wrapped from hip to toe on his right leg from the skin grafts and he's hobbling around on crutches. He's so uncomfortable and he's in pain. Yesterday I told him I hated that he was hurting and that there was nothing I could do to make it go away faster. He tells me, 'Now you know how I feel with your PTSD.' So, of course, the waterworks started again. LOL

    Here's hoping things get back on track soon. I'd say normal...but it would have to be 'as normal as I can be'. :crazy-eye

    Thanks again for helping me feel not so alone in all of this.
  10. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

    Beatle Bailey, I started to laugh when I read this because I did the same thing!!!! I was alone in the house after hours of crying, I threw up my hands and said, "What!? What next!? Screw YOU!" I think is what I said....To be honest, we really haven't spoken since!

    Marlene, it does get better. I remember feeling that my drugs belonged in the toilet. This was with Prozac. I so badly wanted to be off of that. And because I actually had to talk about it during therapy appointments made me have this love/hate relationship with my therapist.

    It does get better. It's ok to be frustrated. I know it seems that healing is taking forever but then other things are moving too fast. It just depends on the moment. It's a frustrating and very painful process, but like some of the other posters have said, it'll get better in it's own time. In the meantime, find a good pillow and beat the crap out of it...
  11. Josh77

    Josh77 Active Member

    This morning i felt like everything was out of control, and i was ready to breakdown... my PTSD symptoms were coming out, and my OCD was unmanageable, to say the least, but i just sat down on the floor with my head on my knees and kept repeating over and over again "It's O.K. Everything is where it should be right now!" until I could stand up and face the unpredictable world again!!!! i don't know if that helps, but it works for me, SOMETIMES... also veiled's advice worked for me... maybe you do need a break for a few days. i went through something similiar and took a couple days off from the forum and it helped a lot.
    Hang in there, Marlene... you are so brave for posting your story!!
  12. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Nam-what you wrote about sometimes it takes forever and sometimes it moves too fast...I didn't have words for those feelings. Thanks for giving them to me. My frustration level has lowered since I wrote about it. Gee...what do you know, it does work! LOL

    Josh-Sometimes at work, when things feel like they're getting out of control, I'll go sit on the couch in the ladies room and just sit and say pretty much the same thing you do until I can go back out and face the world. Great minds must think alike.:smile:

    BTW-I don't feel brave for posting my story. The only emotion I can readily identity is relief at this moment. But thanks. :redface:
  13. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder


    If your unsure, I would say do it. Why? Because every person must walk a unique path in order for them to heal. Some people it means throwing it all away to realise that what they where doing was for the better of themselves. Some people toss it all aside, and it helps them find themself, deal with their trauma and get on with life with little more incidence of PTSD.

    Everyone is unique, and everyone must heal their own way, their own path. Walking our paths uniquely is about learning. If you think this is what is best for you, then I would support you doing it, so you can see whether it is right or not for yourself.

    You didn't expect an answer like this, did you?

    It doesn't matter whether you do it or not really, what matters is that you believe in your mind what is the best path for you. If you can look at your past and know nothing has worked, then your past is not a good path for your future. If you look at your past, and look at something you do now, are there results or not? If not, change path. If so, continue path.

    Its all about choices, its all about our unique decisions that help us most. It doesn't matter whether we make right or wrong decisions, only that we learn from them.
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