Assault Funerals are hard now

rescattered

New Here
I went to a funeral this morning. Nobody that was close to me (the sister of a friend). Second funeral since I survived an attempted murder a year and a half ago. Both funerals triggered flashbacks. I couldn't stop wondering about what my funeral would have been like if I had died. Vivid memories of the first few seconds of the attack when I didn't expect to survive. At the same time -- bad feelings of guilt. Here I am at a funeral, and I am thinking about myself rather than the person who died. I used to be able to feel just sort of sad/melancholy but otherwise detached at a funeral, but now they seem much too intense. Death isn't abstract anymore.

It seems hard to believe, but I am going to be going to another funeral next week. For the 90 year old mother of a coworker. Again, not anyone I was close to. I think that I met her just once. In the past such a funeral would barely register on my emotional life. Now I fear that it will be exhausting. My emotional reactions are not what they used to be.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Welcome to the forum:)

Funerals are tough emotionally - do you have ptsd on top of everything?

I think your colleague would understand if you told them "I've been to 2 funerals recently, and I'm sorry but I just can't face another one right now". There's ways to support your colleague without attending the actual funeral.
 

Friday

Moderator
I can’t do weddings & funerals. My own emotions are too much for me, much less attempting to manage my own WHILE being bombarded by everyone else’s emotions, on top of being in public, engaged, and presentable.

I’m okay with wakes. But not funerals.
 
Top