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Message: <blockquote data-quote="couragetogrow" data-source="post: 1788704" data-attributes="member: 51777">This...me too...but funny how the ones that imprinted this belief have the most conditional love ever and are the most judgemental. Wow, I actually never thought about it like this. I like this because it reminds me of my accountability to myself. Like having the courage to set them isn't a crime and it isn't inherently offensive.  if I purposely allow others to bulldoze them, I have a responsibility there, and only taking the victim's stance is ignoring my responsibility. If others bulldoze them after I set them, then it shows me very clearly the type of person I am dealing with, but if I never set them then I'm not making a clear statement to myself or others about how I desire to be treated and can never know who will be supportive in my life because I didn't have the courage to set them and placed people-pleasing over my wellbeing. What do you mean by forcing someone else's boundary? The way I am understanding is that we are who we are and that's not inherently affecting anyone, because people will take you or leave you no matter how you choose to act...and people that want to be in our lives will work to respect our boundaries unless it's a boundary they're not comfortable with and vice versa...but it affects us if we're not being true to ourselves and actually I'm seeing it's sort of manipulation to only act in regard to other people's feelings...like attempting to control the situation and other's actions to eliminate our sense of discomfort/guilt. I can see how this is natural to survive in an abusive environment, but maintaining this dynamic in our life after trauma seems like staying in survival mode/setting us up for the same types of relationships.You have given me a lot to think about. Thank you for sharing.</blockquote>

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