Sufferer gay man struggling with lifelong C-PTSD and possible D.I.D....

Nuclearpeter

New Here
hey everyone, recently discovered this community, it's great that something like this exists...

a bit about me...32 year old out out gay/queer cis man...I've struggled with severe mental health issues for my entire life, I actually even remember being suicidal as young as 5 years old....I was always hypervigilant and anxious and depressed and found it difficult to navigate through the world and regulate my emotions....grew up in a dysfunctional household with an alcoholic narcissistic mother and homophobic stepfather who were both horribly abusive and would gaslight me throughout childhood....had uncomfortable sexual trauma when I was young, and my family certainly didn't help in that department....I have done years of therapy, and also EMDR therapy, but the EMDR therapy was actually very traumatizing and I don't think it helped as much I wanted it to....I disassociate pretty often and that can be uncomfortable and exhausting...I have little to no energy to live my life and have no motivation to want to help myself, my sense of self-worth has always been non-existent...

I struggle maintaining relationships of any kind (friendship/romantic/sexual) and tend to isolate and withdraw...I really only have one or two friends in my immediate social circle in real life....

most people don't think I have mental issues because, on the surface, I can come off as extroverted and charismatic, but I feel like that's a skill I had to develop as a survival mechanism in order to make it through the world...

I'm still somewhat navigating the site here, but I appreciate that this place exists and am eager to see and read about other peoples experiences...
Hi thelone wolf..... looks like we have some similarities! I am new here, and I am gay, and struggled with suicidal ideation from an early age. Thanks for your post, your history and post makes me feel less alone here....
 
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