My abusers mother died in a car wreck a month or so after I left. She was a friend of my moms. Yesterday another of my moms friends died in a car wreck so I think this may have been the trigger. But sometimes I have dreams where I see my abuser after our 5 years apart and we reconcile, sometimes it’s just romance other times it’s also sex. A lot of times I’m even trying really hard to displace a girlfriend. (Maybe because I know he has one? It’s a small town and she also contacted me to ask about abuse because he drug her across a parking lot) but when I wake up I feel overwhelmingly ashamed and disgusted with myself. Because it’s like I want it so bad in my dreams. Is this normal?