One thing to keep in mind... and this may sound like rationalizing, but it’s not... restore the breathing, stop the bleeding, check for wounds, & haul ass (for help).Which is technically true, but also, as much as this post makes it sound like I don't, I do wanna like not be like this. I dunno how to get past my subconscious "Okay, so if things pop in, let them so OMG DONT LET ANYTHING POP IN!" So I'm open to suggestions, a "omg right me too", or like anything. Cos I feel like I'm being an absolute douche by not embracing every
I look at it sometimes, but it feels a lot like a cognitive exercise, not anything related to feelings. Like "this is going on therefore I probably feel..." and not really related to whatever. Like I know angry and frustrated, and lowkey anxious, but outside of that I'm like "huh, dunno, maybe that? Cos other people say they feel that?" And it gets insanely frustrated.I still look at the feelings wheel. Try and think of what feelings there are and then sort of guess what my feeling might be that I might feel and see if that 'clicks' inside. Bit of guess work
Heh, yeah, I just finished my last 12.5 hour shift pre annual leave, so um.. 12? Which is too many, I get that. And it's why I'm banned from overtime for now, unless I need it (I don't.)Avoidance-As-A-Coping-Mechanism? Is self-regulatory. It means that (whilst working hoooooooow many 12hr shifts in a row??? Or dealing with umpteen different kinds of other stress) you don’t fall to pieces & rapidly decompensate... but remain functional. Or at least, marginally functional. It’s -overall- a good thing. An instinctive or subconscious recognition of “too much” and moderating downward
What do you mean? Sorry, I'm stupid today. Can you rephrase or?Are there better ways? YEP. Set up your life to the point where avoidance as-a-coping-mechanism is a tell, rather than situation?
Yeah, spoke to him about it. And he was like "make a list of everything you do for avoidance", and like nothing specific, I'll work and see friends and tidy and make complicated dinners, all things I'd potentially do *anyway*, so there's no real list of things so it's more of a "why am I doing these normal things? Am I doing them excessively or to a normal degree?" And obv I have normal lowkey life stress, work can be a shitshow, kids mum can be a shitshow, police crap, my own family etc. But eh, I guess I'll work it out.Meaning? Sure, trauma avoidance is a symptom that needs to be worked with. However, stress management is also reeeeally key. There’s a balance between those 2. Very much worth talking with your T about.
Maybe these aren't things to avoid feelings? As you would get feelings doing these things? It might be more internal?And he was like "make a list of everything you do for avoidance", and like nothing specific, I'll work and see friends and tidy and make complicated dinners, all
I actually don't really feel anything, ever. Unless it's really strong. Like last time I felt excited was when I got a job 4 years ago, last time I was aware of feeling happy was a holiday 3 years ago. Like I don't appear to discriminate in my lack of feeling whatever, I just don't unless shit is really good or really bad. I'm like meh 99% of the time.As you would get feelings doing these things? It might be more internal?
Omg, so obv I've had to do this as homework and it's a f*cking shitshow. Body scans btw, worst thing. Like start at my toes, okay, reach my thighs and I'm like nope I'm out, hit my belly and I'm like I just wanna puke cos you just went from thighs to crotch and now I wanna puke, so lungs, awesome, I'm breathing, neck, okay neck was fine, but now I feel like I'm being strangled, thanks for that.. and okay head, I'm mostly annoyed by this point.But then taking a moment to listen to your body? What is it telling you? Sitting with it all for a while and seeing what comes?
Yeah, except it's meant to connect me to my trauma, and make me read it less like a random news article. Like I can totally tell happy stories the same way, but that's not affecting me the same way. Like the aim is to feel like shit, essentially. I'm sure I'm paraphrasing, but barely.But maybe start with something small rather than something linked to trauma. Something maybe that you think should make you feel happy or a positive feeling? And trying to work that out?
I think the "good" and "bad" feelings thing is too much of a thing for me, like I can do colour scales cos colours are neutral but 1-10 and sad to happy faces all have judgement to me. Like 1 or sad is bad, 10 or happy is good. So there's too much filtering in my brain of what is actually accurate, and is that melodramatic and is it even true, how does that compare and blahblahblah if I am using a scale that rates as "bad to good" in my brain.I totally forgot this - but at my last meet with VA T before she went on leave she used "feeling faces" cards. As in, she would ask about whatever, then hold up cards with faces and different emotions until I could find the one that made the most sense to how I felt
holy crap I know right!??? I've never made it thru a whole scan. Ever. helloooo dissociation!Like start at my toes, okay, reach my thighs and I'm like nope I'm out, hit my belly and I'm like I just wanna puke cos you just went from thighs to crotch and now I wanna puke, so lungs, awesome, I'm breathing, neck, okay neck was fine, but now I feel like I'm being strangled, thanks for that.. and okay head, I'm mostly annoyed by this point.