hi all,
First off, just want to say hi and wish everybody the best. Now On to my ptsd problem. Have had ptsd since my return from Vietnam. I can't get events out of my head, they haunt me night and day. I retired in 2000 and I thought things would be better but I have steadily gotten worse. Severe depression, anxiety and sleep disturbances, I'm up at 3am every morning because of nightmares. We sleep in different bedrooms because of my tossing and turning and dreams. I can't lay there and try to go back to sleep because my mind just keeps reliving events. My spouse knows me well enough and recognizes the symptoms then asks "what's the matter". Which just makes it worse because I just can't talk about it.
When I was over there I developed another sense. I could tell when something bad was about to happen and this gift caused severe anxiety and hyper vigilance.
I don't leave the house unless absolutely necessary because I don't trust anyone out there. I feel everything is a set up. If someone even approaches me I go into a defense mode by answering as little as possible and retreating.
I drink because it helps me relax. I quit taking the meds the VA gave me because they steal your soul, your essence, the very thing that makes you, you. I had no feelings or emotions when taking them.
I can't attend any event or family functions. I didn't go to my best friends funeral, I didn't attend my nieces wedding. I won't go to anything that involves a crowd. Don't ask me out to eat, I'll tell you up front,
no.
I am becoming more reclusive, distant.
Thank you for letting me vent.
First off, just want to say hi and wish everybody the best. Now On to my ptsd problem. Have had ptsd since my return from Vietnam. I can't get events out of my head, they haunt me night and day. I retired in 2000 and I thought things would be better but I have steadily gotten worse. Severe depression, anxiety and sleep disturbances, I'm up at 3am every morning because of nightmares. We sleep in different bedrooms because of my tossing and turning and dreams. I can't lay there and try to go back to sleep because my mind just keeps reliving events. My spouse knows me well enough and recognizes the symptoms then asks "what's the matter". Which just makes it worse because I just can't talk about it.
When I was over there I developed another sense. I could tell when something bad was about to happen and this gift caused severe anxiety and hyper vigilance.
I don't leave the house unless absolutely necessary because I don't trust anyone out there. I feel everything is a set up. If someone even approaches me I go into a defense mode by answering as little as possible and retreating.
I drink because it helps me relax. I quit taking the meds the VA gave me because they steal your soul, your essence, the very thing that makes you, you. I had no feelings or emotions when taking them.
I can't attend any event or family functions. I didn't go to my best friends funeral, I didn't attend my nieces wedding. I won't go to anything that involves a crowd. Don't ask me out to eat, I'll tell you up front,
no.
I am becoming more reclusive, distant.
Thank you for letting me vent.