Relationship GF with PTSD broke up with me and she said it has nothing to do with our relationship

NONE123

New Here
We've been together for 14 months, in the last two weeks we've been fighting, I said sorry for what I have said in the argument to save our relationship, but what I did get from her is that this time it's not going to work out. I stopped and I asked her what can we do, and now she said it's better that everyone stay alone (break up) through email. and she said that she is afraid that she is going to regret that decision she has made. she said that she will miss me. before she sent that email, I tried everything so that we solve all the issues we've been having, and now she said that she needs to work on his health, personal issues, etc. I've decided to not contact her again because I'm heartbroken and I need to move on. I tried everything to save this relationship, but now I'm the one fighting to keep our relationship alive she has mentioned before that she has some mental illness but in the email, she said that it has nothing to do with our relationship.
we were fighting for some childish things for example (when I noticed that she is not doing well, I might ask what's going on because it's my right to know what's going on with my partner's life, and she said that she is okay, I keep insisting, but I ended up being blamed for me to beg her to know what's going on with her life) last time, I told her that they did not do well her hair, and that's where the fight started and it followed with a break-up email.

I WANT TO MOVE ON. Your advice is highly appreciated.....
 

NONE123

New Here
why is it your right to know everything that's going on in someone else's life
When you love someone, you have to know what's going on in her life when she shows you that there is something wrong, you can't find that she is no good and pretend as if everything is good.

and thanks for your advice, i also want to move on
 

NONE123

New Here
I disagree. Just because you have feelings for someone, that you care for someone or claim to be in love with them, doesn't mean that they have to tell you everything and explain everything to you.
I understand and I somehow agree with you, but when you find out that she is not okay, and she keeps showing you that she is not okay, what can you do??
you have to ask what's going on of course, but what if she refuses to answer and keeps being cold. what can you do?

and when you try to ignore it and move on to another topic( as a sign to stress her), you end up saying something that is related to the issues she refused to tell you. what can you do??
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello none. welcome to the forum.

don't ask me how it happened --it certainly isn't **my** fault-- but i'm coming up on my 42nd anniversary this year. that is rare among cPTSD sufferers and my psych symptoms have often run amok over my relationship in ways which have nothing to do with hubby. i haven't kept score, but i suspect hubs and i have "broken up" more than 42 times in that 42 years. it's been a while since we've called it, "breaking up" but we still need to give each other space for self-care on a routine basis. the self-care is far more compassionate and productive when we don't try to force explanations for the need. i'm the identified patient in the relationship, but neither of us can easily explain our need for alone time.

based on that experience, i solidly agree with the need to respect her wishes, but suggest that you leave room to grow. respect has a way of fertilizing new growth and/or healing potentials
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
From the sufferer side? I sometimes have no idea "what's wrong". I just know I'm unhappy at that moment and ptsd is kicking my ass and I need to separate from everyone to figure it out. And that takes as long as it takes.

But I do know that if hubby even suggested that he had a right to know what I was upset about I'd kick him to the curb and never look back.
 

Sues

MyPTSD Pro
Sometimes we don't know what's wrong or how to even verbalize it. PTSD comes with all kinds of difficulties. I have trouble talking about my traumas and what's wrong, even with my therapist. I'm used to always hiding what's wrong and acting like everything's ok because it was never safe for me to express any feelings. So now I'm not sure how to do it and it's scary to me and still doesn't feel safe.
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
I think I understand what @NONE123 means about a “right” to know what is going on in his partner’s life, and I think the word “right” is getting people unnecessarily bent out of shape. It’s a communication issue folks, settle down on the supporters please.

I don’t think he meant that he should have open access to all her deepest darkest secrets and banking information as his right by her man that owns her, etc.

What I’m getting from this is that in “normal” relationships, people communicate their feelings with their significant others. They do not find sharing their emotions threatening. They communicate when they are upset about something. That is a pretty standard expectation in the majority of “outside” relationships. As part of trusting relationship, you need to communicate with your partner.

You have to give us non-PTSD folks a little grace for not understanding that this common occurrence is now a no-go. It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that the person you love sees you as a threat when you aren’t really a threat. Or untrustworthy. Or toxic like their abuser… so on and so forth.

This kind of stuff makes sense to a sufferer, but it doesn’t make sense to us until we learn.

@NONE123 I’m sorry you’re hurting, but it sounds like moving on may be the best thing for you. It sucks, but if she’s not healthy enough mentally to function in a relationship, then it’s best not to try and force it. Nothing you do will fix anything. One person can’t make a relationship work.
 
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