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gnarly depressive episode

i just can't seem to feel massive amounts of panic or distress at my traumatic memories or flashbacks lke i used to, especially a week after being triggered and not sleeping in god knows how long, and then after being super paranoid of everyone around me feeling as if people are out to get me, but the depression involved with PTSD still just lingers on. i don;t really have OVERT suicidal thoughts, i just am not caring enough to accomplish anything, or do my schoolwork at all. my friend got alcohol poisoning, was hospitalized, and hadn't responded me to several days so i assumed she died but i felt no grief at all. i've been leaving school early for 3 days in a row because i literally cannot tolerate working or being in a school environment anymore. the suicidal thoughts will sometimes spike though and ill seriously consider doing it. just needed to get this off my chest because there isn't really anyone i feel OK to talk with at the moment, dont really trust anyone rn.
@wicked juggalo
I relate completely. I call my “dead” feelings the flat line. Can't feel anything but bad. That's when I know that I have to take action, whether it is calling someone (I call the National Suicide hotline which is 988 in the States) or making an appointment with my therapist and/or psych nurse for medication change. Meds have been a lifesaver for me. I had genetic testing that indicated what meds might work best. Found out that I have do have genetic markers for depression.

I tell them that I am not actively suicide but need to talk out the thoughts I am having. It has helped every single time. It's better than talking to people in my life and they aren't trained how to help and will worry about me.

Best of blessings to you!