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I’ve been going on and off to the hospital for suicide attempts and depression. I have undiagnosed depression but I took the test and the results will come back soon.
Anyways, I’m in the hospital right now, I have been for 3 days. The doctors can‘t trust me.
I can’t take life.
The hospital kept me alive when my illness meant I couldn't do that myself. That was an important role, and I wouldn't be where I am without that.
But, crucially, it was a safety backstop. It was the therapy work I did outside hospital, and building up my support network and coping strategies, that broke the hospital cycle for me.
Stay safe, engage with the hard work as much as you can. Change is inevitable.
I went through a period like that. I'm sorry you're suffering so much but at least you're safe. I hope you can feel better enough to start working through this.