Going To Start Trying To Get Pregnant Soon

[Poofycat]

My husband and I are going to start trying to get pregnant soon. The timing isn't ideal mental health wise, but I'm almost 36 and women in my family tend to start menopause in their late 30s or early 40s so I'm feeling pretty pressed for time. We're financially secure and we have a great support network despite not living near family. My husband is super excited about it and I have no doubt that he will be an amazing dad. My therapist is aware that this is something I want to do so we've working on weaning me off trazadone and reducing my Lexapro dose. I will not be coming completely off Lexapro though. I feel the risks are greater going off than staying on.

I am terrified. Completely terrified. I'm scared the hormones will make PTSD and MDD worse. I'm scared of not being able to sleep. I'm scared that I won't bond with my child. I'm scared that I won't know how to be a parent (not a victim of childhood abuse, but there was neglect and my mom suffered from severe depression). I'm scared of entering the unknown basically. My therapist says that me thinking about this and working through this now will only make me a better parent.

It doesn't help that I haven't been able to find much about PTSD and pregnancy. Does anyone know of any studies that have been done? Or published accounts, first person or otherwise? I'm also interested in hearing from people here who have experience with this.

 

[Casey_03]

Somebody had posted a link to an article here a while back, but unfortunately, I can't remember who posted it or what the title was. The gist was that pregnancy actually does not negatively affect all women with PTSD and in many cases can make symptoms disappear. I will try to find this article for you later .... I am 8 months pregnant now and can honestly say that I was worried about the hormones and assumed my symptoms would get worse, but they basically went away. It seems like the pregnancy actually balanced me out more than anything else; I get anxious from time to time but I was actually more emotional and erratic when I wasn't pregnant. And my circumstances are actually quite dire - father of the baby left, I'm living below the poverty level, no family around, etc. But even those circumstances haven't led to aggravated symptoms. So I guess I can attest to the fact that PTSD can actually alleviate symptoms. I'm not sure if it will remain that way after the birth, of course, but I am hopeful.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

Every woman deals with pregnancy differently. Some don't get big, some do, some are very moody and some aren't almost at all. During one pregnancy my ex was normal acting. The second time she was very moody and was very mean and I wanted to just go away from her all together. Then I read a story about a woman that was married and had that happen where she pushed her guy away and after she had the kid her mental state was normalized and she was so sad because she couldn't get her husband to come back.

You both just need to understand the potentialities of the scenario and make very solid commitments to each other that no matter what kind of insane moods either of you get into that you want things to pan out in the end. Maybe write a note to yourself or make a video to yourselves together about what is possible to happen and what you want to happen no matter what in the end.

The mind is a strange place and life can cause stress and moods to get really out of wack. As long as you are aware of what can happen, that should help quite a bit. As you can expect with someone that is sick to not be super interested in things, get moody, etc., you can also expect PTSD and pregnancy scenarios to cause personality shifts during those time periods. Know each other in how you normally are and make sure that you both are aware that personality shifts are temporary and how to react to them so that you can make your way through those storms. Know that the PTSD can cause emotional numbing and loss of trust feelings and that those things will not always be for everyone, but most intensely focused on the person that is loved most which will be the spouse. It isn't personal, it is just how things work out with the conditions and scenarios you are in. So if the person with PTSD suddenly feels like they don't feel any love from their partner or that they love their partner or there is lost trust towards the other partner, IT ISN'T REAL most likely. Control your life with logic NOT EMOTIONS when you know that there is no reason to have those emotional shifts in a logical way. If there is a real need to isolate, make structured plans before it all happens so that you all know what the gameplan is so that you can survive these things.

EDIT ADDITION: Remember that when there are PTSD episodes and high stress in general, logical rationality isn't always something that can be done even if you planned for it. Knowing that should give you enough ways to plan around it.

 

[Poofycat]

Thanks for the responses!

@Casey_03 It would be such a relief if my symptoms disappeared! One of my biggest fears is have morning sickness then be hit with a flashback and having to continue with my day like nothing is happening. I'm so sorry to hear about your circumstances. Best of luck to you and your baby! 8 months along! How exciting!

@mr_smith_v2 I really like the idea of sitting down beforehand to go over expectations and end goals. That actually sounds like a nice thing to do anyway. I (the PTSD sufferer) fall on the numb, emotionless end of the spectrum, so I'm not terribly worried about lashing out. I tend to run my life based on logic and what is rational rather than on emotional responses. I'm just now learning how to "have" emotions actually, hence the fear of not bonding with my baby. What if I'm not capable of loving it enough?