Got fired of my job 3 times, how to do things differently?

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
So basically I’m an artist and my problem in life is if I’ve got a job I can’t have time to make art and if I haven’t I can’t have money to make art. This is the normal catch22 of our profession, but add the CPTSD on it and I’m incapable of doing the things that would help me maintain afloat. Since 2016 I’ve got a massive gap in my CV. I’ve been doing crappy copywriting because I’m good and fast, but started to avoid it so much I got fired and hired back multiple times, every time I got fired was during some kind of emotional meltdown. 70% of my files were handed off a day too late, or just after midnight. I literally couldn’t bring myself to just do the thing normally. It HAD to be late. Because it’s a uberized job there was no security no nothing, I just died on the road.

I now have these ridiculous yet horrible dreams where my former company has shared my name and picture in a blacklist of people that are unreliable to work.

For my side-job, I’m now reorienting to something I could do hours and hours without never getting bored: 3D and illustration. Even in the middle of my worst anxious nightmare it was soothing rather than stressing to work on that, and I’m always capable of doing things in advance and maintain super nice communication with the client.

Anyone can relate? Does that seem a good strategy for you? How do you cope with the necessities of deadline-based jobs?
 

RussellSue

Not Active
I find that if I do not like the work I am doing, I will fail at it, given some time. Waiting tables and laser engraving were that way. It's also been very hard for me to meet deadlines in these situations because of all the dragging I do just to get the work done. Being good at something and/or confident in my abilities even in rough patches seems to guard against failure for me. So, if you can find work doing something that energizes rather than drains you and you feel like it is something you can do even on bad days, that sounds optimal, in my opinion.

I also have a paranoia that every past failure is somehow written in lights on the desk of every person in charge of hiring at every place I want to work. The more jobs I apply to, the less it really haunts me. It's also helpful for me if I am looking for a different type of work than the work I sucked at. I can tell myself, they want someone who can tutor, not wait tables.

Best of luck with the illustration.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
I also have a paranoia that every past failure is somehow written in lights on the desk of every person in charge of hiring at every place I want to work. The more jobs I apply to, the less it really haunts me. It's also helpful for me if I am looking for a different type of work than the work I sucked at. I can tell myself, they want someone who can tutor, not wait tables.
This. So much.

Thank you!!! Actually today I received a call for a residency abroad. I’m moving again. I have quite good hopes with new environments.
 
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