Childhood Grades

Luigiii

New Here
Hi,
So today i finished my exam week 🎉🎉🎉
I think this was my worst exam week but I really hope it wasn’t.
Some days ago I received the news that my french grade was on the school app. I didn’t look at my grades in the exam week so in case i’d get disappointed it wouldn’t effect my exams.
But today I looked and I have a good grade, my teacher is very happy with me but there’s still this itch that I can’t seem to scratch ‘cause my friend got 0.3 higher than me.
I am very happy for her ofcourse but I grew up being told I had to be the best in everything and get 10’s for everything and now no one tells me that because they know how that will effect me but its still fixed in my brain.
I got therapy in a few minutes so I’ll probably discuss it there again but still sucks. I’ve been doing great at lowering my expectations and working on myself but then this feeling gets me trapped again
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Congratulations on doing well!

I also grew up being expected to do everything perfectly. If I got an A, I'd be asked why it wasn't an A+. If I got an A+, I'd get a shrug. I still struggle with that need to be perfect, but I am much easier on myself than I used to be. I wish I could say how I got there, but I think it might have just been a gradual process.

I tend to do things now I know I'm good at (and I remind myself not everybody can be good at everything), and I try very hard not to compare myself to others. I have 3 degrees, so I know how hard that can be when you're in school. I stopped looking at others' grades or talking with others about their grades in school. If I don't know how the others are doing, I can't compare.
 

Luigiii

New Here
Congratulations on doing well!

I also grew up being expected to do everything perfectly. If I got an A, I'd be asked why it wasn't an A+. If I got an A+, I'd get a shrug. I still struggle with that need to be perfect, but I am much easier on myself than I used to be. I wish I could say how I got there, but I think it might have just been a gradual process.

I tend to do things now I know I'm good at (and I remind myself not everybody can be good at everything), and I try very hard not to compare myself to others. I have 3 degrees, so I know how hard that can be when you're in school. I stopped looking at others' grades or talking with others about their grades in school. If I don't know how the others are doing, I can't compare.
Thank you!
I get that gradual process, i think I’m doing better even my therapist says so but sometimes i have a dip and it all comes back to me yk.

I’m 16 and I’m starting college next school year and when i was visiting schools to decide which one i wanted to get into they mentioned getting multiple degrees at a time, immediately i started listening better not because i wanted that other degree but because in my childhood i was told i needed to be better than everyone and this would’ve made my family proud. I’m not going to do it, I’m just going to study the one thing and i think that’s growth.

I try not to compare myself with others too but it never works because others do it for me.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
I’m just going to study the one thing and i think that’s growth.

i'll second the notion that this is solid growth. at the end of the day, we can only do one thing at a time, regardless of what the echoes in my head keep telling me.

well done, my healing warrior.
 
C

Carol nay George

I grew up being beat every report card day that day is one of the days I'd get the worst beatings
 
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