Childhood Graphic question but it's bothering me

[oakleaves]

I just need to find out if I'm unusual or weird or if my experiences were weird. I find that I sometimes test things out here before I discuss anywhere else and I hope that's ok.

I find a lot of childhood toys and things are a trigger or stressor for me because of the associations with them. For example some childhood games remind me of being lonely or punished or whatever bad thing happened afterwards. I feel sad for the loss of good feelings that other people have. Christmas is a good example of a time where this happens in a range of situations eg Christmas songs. Do others have that...

This is the different worse bit
I also have memories of some things that happened involving toys like small toy objects in the csa when I was a child. I want to say it wasn't that bad but I wondered if anyone else had experiences of children's toys being used their own toys in the abuse or run up to the abuse so not being used as toys for what they were intended. I hope this makes sense as hard to say.

 

[Movingforward10]

It totally makes sense.
And totally makes sense it would be a trigger now.
Using toys, and your toys, in the abuse adds another layer of trauma. Seems a very cruel and twisted thing for the person to do to you.

 

[oakleaves]

It totally makes sense.
And totally makes sense it would be a trigger now.
Using toys, and your toys, in the abuse adds another layer of trauma. Seems a very cruel and twisted thing for the person to do to you.

Thank you. I am really struggling at the moment so I appreciate you saying this.

 

[arfie]

in my own herstory, literally ANYTHING can be a trigger and i have no way of predicting them. i keep my trigger management tools handy at all times.

 

[Roland]

Yeah, so I feel like the most common triggers are sexual abuse, self-harm, and suicide, they get trigger warnings on tv, shows, and books. But my triggers? AA batteries lol. Sunflowers, bathtubs, diapers, children crying, adults yelling, it's totally normal to have weird triggers and associations when you're dealing with trauma. Very sorry you're dealing with this, it's awful </3

 

[oakleaves]

I don't know if anyone will see this but I just feel like I really need to know that I wasn't the only person that this happened to because if feels so weird. Did anyone else have experiences of things they had as toys being used in the abuse like inside used in the abuse. I feel like I am so so terrified to talk about it and terrified that people won't believe me and will think I'm incredibly weird. I'm so scared so scared

 

[DharmaGirl]

I find it really, really hard to think about that part of my abuse, but yes, toys were used. A Gumby to be specific. You are not weird for what someone did to you. It is not your fault they used your things to hurt you. I totally believe you.

 

[joeylittle]

I feel like I am so so terrified to talk about it and terrified that people won't believe me and will think I'm incredibly weird. I'm so scared so scared

Feeling afraid that you won't be believed, and that it's too weird to talk about - these feelings are extremely normal and very common. I know that doesn't make anything feel better, but please know that this is not unusual, especially for abuse that is initiated inside the home, or by a caregiver.

Do you think it might help you to write more about what happened to you?