Hello, first time poster here. I didn't see any guidelines for introductions so I apologize for being a bit long-winded. I ended up typing quite a few pages, trying to give a high level overview of my experience. Thank you in advance to any who take the time to read my introduction.
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I am not a sufferer of PTSD myself, I have however been in a committed relationship with a sufferer—from here on referred to as L—for the last 4 years. As of just under a month ago L and I are taking a break from our relationship. It would also be accurate to say that she broke things off with me. However, I say that we are on a break because she has expressed a hope that at some point in the not-to-distant future we could try starting things over again.
L sees a psychiatrist regularly, and is currently between therapists. She is diagnosed with PTSD, panic disorder and bi-polar disorder. She receives medication in the form of clonazepam and lamotrigine. The source of her PTSD is sexual abuse she suffered repeatedly at the hands of a male "family friend" in her very early teens. She was raised primarily by a single mother who upon finding out did not press charges. Most of the people in her life at the time, her mother included, blamed her or otherwise made it out to be not a big deal.
In addition to the psychological issues, she suffers from nerve damage resulting in loss of feeling in parts of her right leg, chronic back pain and migraines. Last year she had a brain tumor scare that turned out to be benign. She receives treatment for her chronic pain in the form of mild pain killers and more recently spinal injections.
L and I met through a mutual friend. She lived in the rural south and I lived on the west coast. We chatted as friends for 6 months, we began dating on a 2 week visit she made to the west coast. Over the next 6 months she finished a semester at the local community college she was attending and continued to visit every few months. At the end of that period, she moved out to the west coast.
Since then we've lived together in the Bay Area over the last 4 years. She was completely up front with her emotional and psychological baggage so none of that came as a surprise. As she came from a very poor background, she did not move out with much, at the time she did not have a degree but had been going to community college in her home state. She did not have any insurance and was not receiving treatment at the time for her condition.
Upon moving out, for the better half of the first 2 years primarily we focused on trying to support her working through her emotional issues. Starting at the beginning of the next calendar year after she moved in with me, I put her on my insurance which dramatically increased the availability of treatment over the public option. Her physical and mental health were improving and after becoming eligible for in state tuition she applied for a local community college with plans to attend the local state university after one more year in community college, to pursue a degree in psychology. Her goal is working with youths—victims of abuse, those in the social services system or those diagnosed with mental illness.
The first 2 years went by fairly well, her PTSD made it difficult for her to have a consistent and emotionally connected relationship when it came to being intimate, but over those two years she made a lot of headway. Then one night, we suffered a broken condom and a few weeks later despite birth control and Plan B she was pregnant.
Neither of us are religious, and we weren't even sure if we wanted to intentionally have kids later in life so it wasn't a difficult choice for us. However, the psychological damage was profound. One of the biggest triggers for her PTSD is when she loses control over something. Losing control over her body and having to deal with the ridiculous guilt and red tape the American medical system shovels onto women in this situation was incredibly harmful.
The whole ordeal took a few months, and even many months after it was over, we were not back to normal. Our intimacy, which had been slowly building up for 2 years took a sharp dive off a cliff. A completely understandable turn of events, however, a few months after things were over I admit I had definitely started to become a little frustrated.
The next year and a half passed by with little progress made in regaining our prior relationship. We drifted apart in a lot of ways, we spent less time doing the things we loved together, we had sex very rarely, and she had begun to have flashbacks to her abuse during this time. She began to see a therapist during this time, unfortunately not one specializing in PTSD. Her therapist helped her in growing up and becoming a more mature and independent adult overall, but she did not make significant headway in confronting her PTSD. (She is currently looking for a PTSD specialist that can fit her current class and work schedule.)
Last spring L graduated from the local community college and in the fall began attending the local state University. She began making many more friends (previously, most of her friends in the area were mutual friends) and generally having a more independent social life. This winter she was accepted into her first job since moving to the west coast, counseling children with special needs at a wellness center near the state university. She is one year away from receiving her bachelor's degree.
About a month ago, L broke things off with me. We got into a confrontation and for two weeks she was unsure what she wanted to do. Eventually she decided she wanted to break up. Without going into exact details, she walked me through a number of situations where over the last two years, I had believed I had been putting her first but I had really failed to understand her illness and had been hurting her. She hopes that she can forgive me for the ways I had hurt her, and that I can learn from my mistakes. Neither of us want to throw away 4 years.
That brings us to the present day. I've skipped over a lot of details, but I think any more would be a bit too much for an introduction. I'm here because a long time ago she asked me to look for help in understanding her illness. I did attend therapy sessions with her eventually, but I could never bring myself to post on a site like this because I honestly did not understand how it could be helpful. To be clear, it's not that I think these sorts of communities are not helpful, I think they're great and I'm sure they're amazingly helpful for many people. I just tend to have a hard time taking advice or learning through other's experiences.
I'm here though because I want to try to understand her better, and because if we do decide to try to start things over, I want things to work out this time. She means the world to me and I realized I've been making a huge mistake thinking I understood even an inkling of what she has gone through her whole life.
I look forward to the opportunity to learn. Thanks for reading.
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I am not a sufferer of PTSD myself, I have however been in a committed relationship with a sufferer—from here on referred to as L—for the last 4 years. As of just under a month ago L and I are taking a break from our relationship. It would also be accurate to say that she broke things off with me. However, I say that we are on a break because she has expressed a hope that at some point in the not-to-distant future we could try starting things over again.
L sees a psychiatrist regularly, and is currently between therapists. She is diagnosed with PTSD, panic disorder and bi-polar disorder. She receives medication in the form of clonazepam and lamotrigine. The source of her PTSD is sexual abuse she suffered repeatedly at the hands of a male "family friend" in her very early teens. She was raised primarily by a single mother who upon finding out did not press charges. Most of the people in her life at the time, her mother included, blamed her or otherwise made it out to be not a big deal.
In addition to the psychological issues, she suffers from nerve damage resulting in loss of feeling in parts of her right leg, chronic back pain and migraines. Last year she had a brain tumor scare that turned out to be benign. She receives treatment for her chronic pain in the form of mild pain killers and more recently spinal injections.
L and I met through a mutual friend. She lived in the rural south and I lived on the west coast. We chatted as friends for 6 months, we began dating on a 2 week visit she made to the west coast. Over the next 6 months she finished a semester at the local community college she was attending and continued to visit every few months. At the end of that period, she moved out to the west coast.
Since then we've lived together in the Bay Area over the last 4 years. She was completely up front with her emotional and psychological baggage so none of that came as a surprise. As she came from a very poor background, she did not move out with much, at the time she did not have a degree but had been going to community college in her home state. She did not have any insurance and was not receiving treatment at the time for her condition.
Upon moving out, for the better half of the first 2 years primarily we focused on trying to support her working through her emotional issues. Starting at the beginning of the next calendar year after she moved in with me, I put her on my insurance which dramatically increased the availability of treatment over the public option. Her physical and mental health were improving and after becoming eligible for in state tuition she applied for a local community college with plans to attend the local state university after one more year in community college, to pursue a degree in psychology. Her goal is working with youths—victims of abuse, those in the social services system or those diagnosed with mental illness.
The first 2 years went by fairly well, her PTSD made it difficult for her to have a consistent and emotionally connected relationship when it came to being intimate, but over those two years she made a lot of headway. Then one night, we suffered a broken condom and a few weeks later despite birth control and Plan B she was pregnant.
Neither of us are religious, and we weren't even sure if we wanted to intentionally have kids later in life so it wasn't a difficult choice for us. However, the psychological damage was profound. One of the biggest triggers for her PTSD is when she loses control over something. Losing control over her body and having to deal with the ridiculous guilt and red tape the American medical system shovels onto women in this situation was incredibly harmful.
The whole ordeal took a few months, and even many months after it was over, we were not back to normal. Our intimacy, which had been slowly building up for 2 years took a sharp dive off a cliff. A completely understandable turn of events, however, a few months after things were over I admit I had definitely started to become a little frustrated.
The next year and a half passed by with little progress made in regaining our prior relationship. We drifted apart in a lot of ways, we spent less time doing the things we loved together, we had sex very rarely, and she had begun to have flashbacks to her abuse during this time. She began to see a therapist during this time, unfortunately not one specializing in PTSD. Her therapist helped her in growing up and becoming a more mature and independent adult overall, but she did not make significant headway in confronting her PTSD. (She is currently looking for a PTSD specialist that can fit her current class and work schedule.)
Last spring L graduated from the local community college and in the fall began attending the local state University. She began making many more friends (previously, most of her friends in the area were mutual friends) and generally having a more independent social life. This winter she was accepted into her first job since moving to the west coast, counseling children with special needs at a wellness center near the state university. She is one year away from receiving her bachelor's degree.
About a month ago, L broke things off with me. We got into a confrontation and for two weeks she was unsure what she wanted to do. Eventually she decided she wanted to break up. Without going into exact details, she walked me through a number of situations where over the last two years, I had believed I had been putting her first but I had really failed to understand her illness and had been hurting her. She hopes that she can forgive me for the ways I had hurt her, and that I can learn from my mistakes. Neither of us want to throw away 4 years.
That brings us to the present day. I've skipped over a lot of details, but I think any more would be a bit too much for an introduction. I'm here because a long time ago she asked me to look for help in understanding her illness. I did attend therapy sessions with her eventually, but I could never bring myself to post on a site like this because I honestly did not understand how it could be helpful. To be clear, it's not that I think these sorts of communities are not helpful, I think they're great and I'm sure they're amazingly helpful for many people. I just tend to have a hard time taking advice or learning through other's experiences.
I'm here though because I want to try to understand her better, and because if we do decide to try to start things over, I want things to work out this time. She means the world to me and I realized I've been making a huge mistake thinking I understood even an inkling of what she has gone through her whole life.
I look forward to the opportunity to learn. Thanks for reading.
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