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Grief, steps and where am i?

Discussion in 'Accomplishments' started by Bibine, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. Bibine

    Bibine New Member

    So grieving happens in 5 steps basically:

    1/ Denial
    2/ Negotiation
    3/ Anger
    4/ Depression/sadness
    5/ Acceptance/peace

    In case of childhood parental abuse, there's huge grieving to be done re. not having a safe place with parents. My sister always used to say: "What are you hoping for? Change?" In my young years, I was switching between denial and negotiation, and from my 20s on, it became Anger. Anger allowed me to move, to fight wars, to protect myself, to not feel so much. And I have been stuck in the middle (3/ Anger) for most of my life.

    Now I'm 53, menopause has hit me, and with it I just went to the next level: huge sadness. I hyperventilate, I have bouts of high BP, my body is aching, and I cry on a daily basis. And yet, at the same time, my health is better than ever, and my partner says I'm looking great, so fresh, and young, and healthy.

    I think it is because I finally reached... ME. My feelings, my sadness, my pain, my heart. I am finally coming near myself.

    Before that, I was mostly thinking about the perpetrators, what happened in their mind, what they were gonna do to me, etc. Now? No. I only feel my pain inside.

    And it's disconcerting. I am not used to feeling ME. I am used to feeling me in function of the others. Being beaten by others, or helping others.

    Now, I'm with ME. And I am so lucky to have support at home. My life partner said to me: "You sure are standing one foot in Sadness, but the other foot is already in Peace".
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  3. Swift

    Swift Active Member

    I'm glad that you're finding you, and feeling your own feelings.
    I did group therapy, and one of the things the leader said is some people use anger to cover sadness, and some use sadness to cover anger.
    I'm defo in the first category myself. Angry is safer than sad to me.
    So I'm glad you're able to be in touch with both.
    Good luck and good healing to you.
    mumstheword likes this.
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