We’ve done a lot of “what is the earliest moment you felt this feeling.” I’ll sometimes go back really young in my memories. But when it comes to the Big stuff, it always ends back at age 9. The odd part of this is that I had completely blocked that trauma from my memory. It’s carefully woven with the imagination and creativity of a child. A master of dissociation. We’ve had to tread around it because when you open up that wound directly I can end up in a ptsd symptom overload. And I still don’t know if it even happened! My T was recently out of town and I went through an abandonment spiral after a big trigger. It started flashing back with high school abuse to college rape, but spun back into what happened at 9. I think of it as a ground zero or landing point. Does anyone else experience anything like this?