Group dynamic and being frozen out

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Bloomy

MyPTSD Pro
Went to a cabin trip with 6 people this weekend. On return home a person had uploaded photos from the cabin trip. There was nice photos of group enjoying themselves as a group. In the sofa and by the dinner table. Later others also added their photos from this cabin stay. What was wrong with the picture was that I wasnt in neither of this photos that was takin from the cabin trip. Like I wasnt there. They had gathred in the sofa togheter smiling to the camera showing how they had a good time. Or by the dinner table smiling and having a good time.

So I feel stupid ashamed and left out. How would you feel if this was you? And how would you react?

I adressed it in a group chat but no one answered to my question why I was left out. Silence speaks louder then words?

These people is part of a group that Im running. As I see it the have put me out of it. Which means I run a group but Im not considered being part of it. Im insecure how to deal with this in the future.

It feels like I have been behaving badly - ptsd monster and I made people not like me. Somehow. I know they talk behind my back saying I have a bad temper and so.
I would want to learn how to deal with such manners in an self assertive way and not as a victim, but how do I do that? How do I go on about not playing out the poor me vicitm card and move on?
 

Xena

Policy Enforcement
Hi @Bloomy.. OK slow down you are assuming alot here.. And as yet you don't know the answers..... And until you do worring or making up reasons why is a waste of your time and more so energy.

May be the person who had put up the pictures didn't realise you weren't in any?...

I think the best thing is to ask again if you are upset about things... That's all you can do...
 

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
These people is part of a group that Im running. As I see it the have put me out of it.
Is it the picture event that has you thinking that or are there more things that have happened?

told I could take the photos mylsef if I wanted too
Dick-ish. I have something similar that goes on in my life, relating to family. I have completely distanced myself. I have no interest. This type of behaviour can't be helping your recovery. I am so sorry.
 

Beemo3780

Confident
Maybe they didn't know if it was ok to post photos of you?

I'm a really private person, and the group of people I hang out with all have professional careers (doctors, lawyers, judges, etc), so we have a rule within our group to not post photos of each other unless specifically said so. So usually if we hang out, the couples will post their own private photos, but rarely of the whole group. I would rather not show up in a photo on someone's social media without being asked first.
 

Bloomy

MyPTSD Pro
First - many thanks @shimmerz for nice input.

Its not only the photos no. The photos came as a confirmation to the social exclusion I allready felt before this. Meaning It doesnt feel like they include me, in conversations Im often overheard saying something, I also understand they had their intern humor at the cabin trip which I wasnt incuded in, diferent things like this. Social exclusion is not always so visible or easy to put finger on what exactly its all about.

Yeah and now I got a new comment after writing this post saying "ut på tur aldri sur" - out on adventure never in bad mood. I also feel they are treating me disrespectfull and blatant.

Since Ive so often been scapegoat I admit insecurity of my feelings and if I have the right to feel what I actually feel. I ackowledge I need to learn more not to be a people pleaser and I need to learn how to not cling on and to be more assertive and firm.

I also admit that this hurt cause my feelings are telling me that they treat me in an ignorant crap way that doesnt feel good at all.
 

Bloomy

MyPTSD Pro
@Beemo3780 its not that they thought they couldnt post pic of me. They know they can as we discussed this before. Its that they didnt take any picture of me.

You know. when you go somewhere with your group and you are having a great time and as to show that you hurdle up togeter in the sofa all of you and say cheese to the camera?

But oh there was one more person in that cabin and this person was not asked to come and join the group photo.

For me this is weird - maybe my back ground thought me to include everyone or to consider to include veryone? Not to say Im any better then the next man or woman, but If I see someone that is outside a group I will ask if they want to join in the company.
 

Beemo3780

Confident
If you felt not included or disrespected, then just don't associate with those people in the future. I would let it just roll off your back and move on. Easier said then done, I realize, but life is short and crappy people don't need your time.
 

Bloomy

MyPTSD Pro
@Beemo3780 yes thats what I need to do, but yes easier said then done. It hurts really bad. Included in this is that they also bought food they want me to pay partly for even if I didnt touch it and wasnt part of it as I bought my own food.

Yes but even if it wont roll out on me atleast I need to process that these people even if theyll come to other of my hikes I need to be polite but very distant. Im trying to learn.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
Bloomy, I'm so sorry they are treating you like that. Why did you bring your own food? That kind of separates you from the group. I'm not saying it's your fault, just maybe subconsciously you are separating yourself to prove that your thoughts are true. I would do this too. I would also try to start a new group, since they are acting like assholes and it IS your group. They sound like they are trying to take over. I don't think you can just "let it roll off your back and move on", I think you need to process it, think about it, feel your feelings while moving on. It is true and easy to say, but this is what I call "therapy fodder", stuff I work out in therapy,
 
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